Tuesday, 21 April 2015

Naked and Ashamed

Everything.

My fears, My pain, My joy, My exuberance, Everything. I revealed all that I was. I showed him the nakedness of my heart.

He had listened, he had held me in his arms when I cried, he had protected me when I felt the world was against me, he had given me the environment I would flourish. An environment where I mattered, an environment where my mental health came first.

For the first time in my life, I was naked and not ashamed.

It was easy to tell him every single detail of everyday and have him laugh in ways that tickled my heart. It was perfect. There were misunderstandings but they never lasted the dawn from dusk.

What could go wrong?

Life!

The little things, the little decisions, the little irritation, the little minutes that one could spend listening but used instead in chasing the next thrill. It was life. It was the restless soul.

Suddenly, my fears became weapons. My pain was used to torment me. My restlessness became a curse. Suddenly I was naked and ashamed.

Everything.

Everything I said, everything I did was used to ridicule me.

Life had happened.

Life had separated.

Now naked, now ashamed, I wrap myself in clothes, remember that I am woman, lift up my head, wear the most gorgeous shoes and remind myself that life happens and I MUST NOT stop living.

************

I have not written in a while, was involved with too many things. But I write now, my imagination has returned and is tilting towards Gear One.

Gros Bisous