Monday, 20 October 2014

While you wait...

I have been married for almost 3 years and I have no children. I do not rejoice in this nor do I expect that you to feel sorry for me. It is what it is.
 
I am proud enough to want to see replicas of myself and stroll the pavement with mini-me's. A girl that will have a face that is a mix of mine and my husband's fine face, his eyes, his hairline, my hair and definitely my nose (his nose won't do, I consider it big) but she is yet to come.
 
Many friends that got married after me, have had their babies, I rejoice with them, two of such babies are the firstborns in my heart, that is how much I love them and their yumminess.
 
And in our society, everyone is asking questions, people give me the side eye, some that love me ask out-rightly, some others try very hard not to mention it or have conversations that have to do with children. I can hear some church folk ''think-clap their hands in the yahoo way or snap fingers'' that ''she must be paying for some sin'' and some other people just want to run their mouths. Some friends hide their pregnancies and refuse to tell me about it for reasons best known to them. Again, some of my friends talk to me about their children and I am excited that they honour me with those conversations. But it is what it is.
 
But now what?
 
Having a child is very important. It is what guarantees the continuity of the human race and specifically the continuity of your values and heritage.
 
But while I wait...
 
...I will be the best woman I can be. I will panel beat myself into the kind of woman that I can be proud of.
 
...I will get moving on every dream I ever had, I will learn, start businesses, go back to school, become the noble woman I know I can be.
 
...I will extend my circle of influence, I will do everything in my power to make my nation and the world better for when my mini-me gets here.
 
...I will learn patience, longsuffering and kindness
 
...I will NOT worry. Nope. It won't change anything. I believe in God and in the bible. There is His promise and it is my Faith.
 
...I will be a support to every woman who is feeling despondent because she hasn't carried her child or hasn't gotten married.
 
Whatever you do, you MUST remember that time will pass ''months, years'' and if you spend it crying and hiding instead of fulfilling purpose, you will give account of wasted years to your maker.

I am by no means saying, substitute your desire with activity, I am saying please understand that my journey is different from yours, our paths may cross now and then but our journeys are different. Rejoice that you have children, Rejoice that you don't. Rejoice that you are married. Rejoice that you are not. EVERYTHING will work together. Get up NOW!! Get moving on your dreams and purpose. Don't waste the years...while you wait.
 
Gros Bisous.
 

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

What men think of Nigerian women!

I logged on to my Facebook page the other day and strolled through my timeline to see what was new. I came across this Dude's post and I paused to read his comments (I always stop to read the comments under his posts). The post was ''Nigeria women are...''

I laughed so hard it was impossible to breathe. How did we get such a reputation? In between my fits of laughter, I saw myself reflected in some of the comments.

I obtained the permission of the Dude that put up the post and I have removed the names of those who made the comments.
 
Read. Laugh. Self-reflect. We are definitely a group of amazing women.

***************************

Nigerian Women Are...
 
''Capable of making a hiss last for an hour''
 
''Troublesome''       

''Some of them are impeccable crocodile tears manufacturing units''
 
''Love that Church life''
 
''Only vacation, where they can shop''

''Can speak 10 universal languages with their eyes''
 
''Always have their man's back''
 
''''They pack more heat and laser power in their eyes than superman! You berra come correct at a parry or they can look you up and down and erase you..
 
''Will force a man to watch NollyWood movies''
 
'' Only humans, I would rather have physically assault me than the abuse that comes from their mouth''

'' Are the reason why the airlines have STRICT limits on luggage weights and hand luggages!''

'' Are saving and planning for life after their husband's death''

'' Naija women are the only women in the world that will jump out of a car to beat Mopol that is disrespecting you''

 
''Could be the best thing God created and also be your worst nightmare''
 
''Will out eat their man''

'' They will build a six flat building in Lekki while the hubby is still paying their nursing school student loan

 
''...are sarcasm machines''
 
''...are the reason Nigerian men scam people''
 
''Know how to use the same mouth they use to curse a man out to also sweet talk him when they want to ask for something
 
'' Got their own version of ''sidechicks'' but they call them toasters''
 
''Queens of Awoof''
 
''Notorious for reminding you how successful your mates are''
 
''Cheap Dates''
 
'' Love 18 or 22 Carat Italian Gold''
 
''Can cause World War 3 with her mouth''

''Naija women will borrow money from their daddy to help you pay your rent.... Loyalty

 
''Can talk you to death and then back to life''
 
'' Can drive from New York to Florida by mouth''
 
'' Girdles Best friend''
 
''Don't really care much for candy and chocolate but love fried meat''
 
''Are strong women. And many Nigerian men cannot handle them that is why they marry Non-Nigerian women''
 
'' Will never leave you as long as you pay the bills''
 
''So gangsta that they will hold out on sex with their husbands for 3 years and you will never know by the way she cooks for him everyday''
 
'' The best mothers on earth but they ask your friends too many questions''

In totality, I don't think the world would be interesting without the Nigerian woman. She is beautiful and talented, even with her eyes.

Gros Bisous.

Monday, 8 September 2014

Through His Eyes-The Expectation of the Unexpected.

He understood that the complexities of human pranks escaped me. As much as I look like I am all grown and worldly, he knew I was just a little girl eager to explore the world and be loved.

He cyber stalked me till we met *smiles* and every conversation that we had before and after proved that this was going to be an interesting chapter of my life.

When he whispered into my ears that he loved me , I believed him. He was content to sit and talk with me for hours, laugh with me and at me till we were both crying. He stimulated all my senses especially my ever-revolving mental sense.

He loved how excited I was about the world, He wanted to show me all that he had seen, he wanted to visit new places and experience the rush of excitement with me.

Me. Me, the one someone said was unlovable.

He said my voice calmed him when faced with the frustrations of the world at work. And it was easy to be calm and gentle around him, he brought out the best in me.

But...

I was afraid. I have been down this road before and I got hurt. Very hurt. But when I look at myself through his eyes, I see a beautiful woman loved for everything I am, even my warts.

Admirably, he was adamant my voice was the first he wanted to hear when he woke up. He said nuzzling my ears was the last thing he wanted to do before he slept.

And when we did the permanent ceremony...he swore he would protect me. He would forsake everyone else for me. And he has.

I was afraid I would have to hide her body, but he cast aside every shame I felt and memorized every inch of my body instead. My breasts were a delight to him and not a curse.

Joy had systematically taken over fear. And the lightening bulb of wisdom reminds me that we are only here on earth briefly and while I am here, I must experience Joy.

You are Joy. You are love.
 
Culled from my daydreams. Lol
 
Gros Bisous.

Monday, 18 August 2014

Ewolarigbo.com

Someone is pounding the door like yam in a mortar.

I run out in my towel...geez...who could that be?

And there she stands, all glorious with her sun stricken face. My Frenemy.

''Where have you been?'' Where did you put your phone?'' ''Are we still going out?''

She reeled out questions in succession draining my brain cells of the little oxygen left from running and causing them to somersault with the limited time I was required to answer the many questions.

As I followed her into the living room, I mentally awaited the rapid gossip that would follow in the name of gist.

I crossed my leg on the red sofa in my newly decorated grey and white living room and I thought ''ewolarigbo''

 And as if on cue...she starts.

''Holly's husband is gay, someone saw him at an event last night kissing a man''

''Did you know Bimpe went to do IVF, that is how she had triplets, apparently, she has fertility issues?''

''Gayle is pregnant, can you imagine? that her boyfriend has knocked her up for the 3rd time and still refused to marry her''

Can you imagine the colours Mosope picked out for her wedding, Yellow and Red. Yellow and Red ke? What kind of combination is that?'' she chimed in her Locally Acquired Foreign Accent.

And I have had enough experience to know that anything I say during this period of gist CAN and WILL be used against me in future gist with her other frenemies.

So I listen, nod, express surprise, express alarm where necessary and pray that this Cup would pass me over.

And as if the heavens heard my internal cry, her phone rings and she lets out a shrill, it is her dad and she forgot she was to meet him for some meeting.

I thanked the God of my father and escorted her to the door making an outward show of feeling bad that she was leaving but screaming an internal Alleluia at the joy of the peace that would soon follow.

I shut the door and made my way back into my bedroom where my husband lay waiting for me...and as soon as I shut the door behind me, he echoed...''ewolarigbo.com''

Gros Bisous.

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

That thing called Temptation...

You know it is wrong.
 
That sweet foreboding interest in that thing or person that is ''out of bounds'' That desire to perform an action that you will enjoy for a short term but will regret immensely.
 
You look away, you stay away. You do not want to hurt anyone, you do not want to be at the mercy of that forbidden thing or action.
 
You have heard so many things said about Temptation. You know you shouldn't be tempted. As a Christian, you sing ''Yield Not to temptation, For yielding is sin'' and every cell, every neuron knows you should avoid this terrible desire to plunge into this hole of sweet sweet temptation.
 
Oh but you want to, you want to eat that piece of red velvet cake, you want to dial that number you know you have no business remembering, you want to dig into your desires and forget that there are consequences for your action.
 
So you mull over it (if you are thinker) and keep generating and accepting self-made excuses for why you must give in to your desires.
 
And when your body will not give in to the desire, you surround yourself with your friends (Yes, those ones with suspended moral fibres) those friends that will echo your thoughts, those friends who will subtly inform you that your desires are meek next to the actions they carry out.
 
Then comes the rationalization.
 
''Just this once'' ''No one will know''  ''Just One bite'' ''It feels too good to be true'' ''Now or Never''
 
...and all the myriad of excuses our brain cells can generate.
 
And should you decide to Fall.......
 
**Whoosh** the sounds that wake you up. The sounds that lets you know you have made a big mistake and you run it through your mind a thousand times before you accept that you deliberately chose impulse over self-control.
 
That thing called Temptation...
 
But like that character from the TV series ''Perception'' said
 
Temptation: The fight between impulse and self control. When we exercise self restraint, we have better mental health.
 
It is just through my eyes.

Monday, 14 July 2014

Theory of The Modern Wife by Lucas Togan

EVER wondered why it was so easy for your MOTHER to SUBMIT to your father with less hassles than YOU do to your partner or husband? And even easier for your grandmother and the generation before hers to their spouses? Well I think I got it figured...

A few generations ago, ECONOMIC POWER was to the PHYSICALLY strongest in society. Say biggest farmer. In the eastern part of Nigeria (Western Africa), your economic power was measured by the size of your yam barns. Men produced yams and their wives - vegetables (less energy intensive). In the west, it went to the owner of the biggest plantation (by all accounts men controlled the slaves that worked those fields - no women in any account I have seen or read). Needless to say that the men folk were always on top. Women had no choice but to be SUBORDINATES to their men.

However, with the rise of the Industrial Age, the power shifted from physical strength to MENTAL PRODUCTIVITY. Formal education thus became ever so important. This POWER SHIFT however introduced an element of equality between the sexes that wasn't there before. Women, just like men, now had a chance at economic relevance. Whereas in the farm age men tilled the land and women cooked the harvest, women could now "till" and "cook". 

As simplistic as the result of this theory might seem, women are shocked to realise that after being subjected to exactly the same conditions all through their academic pursuits and examination conditions as men, they are marginalized in the economy that they enter after graduation. Some unwritten law prevents them from reaching the heights that men routinely attain. The system seems to subject them to extra tests in order to achieve the same positions as their male counterparts who went through exactly the same academic process. If the criteria for economic relevance is academic excellence, then WOMEN expect to be EQUAL to MEN.

This is the thinking of the MODERN WIFE. She has been through exactly the same formative years as her husband. She probably did better than he did through those years as well and probably wields an equal or better economic power in their partnership. She finds it difficult to understand how he can be superior or even entertain the idea of any kind of superiority in their union. She wants him to ACKNOWLEDGE their equality. She wants him to CONSIDER and RESPECT her input. She does not want to fight the SYSTEM and her HUSBAND for relevance. SHE CAN NOT BE IRRELEVANT AT WORK AND AT HOME.

Being the founder of the formal education system, the west has been able to harmonise this conflict and men have come to respect and understand the equality that women crave - at least in the home front. However, Africa still struggles with this because formal education is an import for us and submission from a woman is more natural to how the African man perceives his authority in the home and society. The problem is that the AFRICAN MAN fails to realise that the modern wife is more SELF AWARE and understands her true VALUE and POTENTIAL in the economy and in life. She has been properly educated and is emancipated from these "archaic" mind sets. 

I believe that the solution is for the African man to seek a paradigm shift. He should not see equality as insubordination, rather he should consider it a challenge from the wife and seek other ways to earn her trust and submission rather than the archaic means of threats, battery, coercion and deprivation.

#conversationswithself #journeytoself #musings

Monday, 9 June 2014

For Nigeria...I have lost hope

I have never being one who lost hope. I have had hope in many difficult situations. My constant hope has always stemmed from some sort of relationship with God.

But now even that relationship doesn't pump hope for me for Nigeria.

I want to move to New Zealand, change my birth names in court, use the famous Denecia body cream to lighten my skin and claim some remote country as my country of origin.

And I have my reasons

1. I daily feel oppressed by the Local Government, State Government & Federal Government
2. I saw someone take the one way road and Lastma looked on without acting beause it was a security vehicle.
3. I see the young northerners chase after me in traffic despite the inherent dangers to sell a pack of gum for less than a dollar.
4. I hear of members of the judicial system who are given bribes in tens of thousands and sometimes millions of dollars.
5. I am confronted everyday by a huge amount of people who have sold the reasoning part of their brains to ethnicity and religion.
6. I am confused by what I am living for when there is a constant threat to my life and the life of my unborn children.
7. I am in despair by the number of people that may have to die for us to take the baby steps away from the edge of this precipice.
8. I am in awe of a government who so blatantly continues to oppress its citizens without a care for the Rule of Law.
9. News that filter in continue to show that many just want to hold POWER by all means
10. I am concerned that the word ''SERVICE'' no longer rests in the word book of Nigerian politicians.
11. I am alarmed that Over 11% of the National Budget in 2012 was used to take care of Public Officials in Nigeria.
12. Where will that 11 year old roaming the street get his next meal? At night, when he lays his head to sleep, innocence is lost when that brutish man with paedophile tendencies grabs the kid for sex.
13. I am alarmed that the government has given away many young girls to the evil sect Boko Haram to bear children for them.
14. I shudder at how many times those girls have been raped, beaten and I can only imagine what story I will have for my kids.
 
For Nigeria..at this time.. I have lost hope!

Monday, 14 April 2014

The unspoken job you were married to do

That beautiful day arrives. You dance, you are excited, you feel beautiful, finally you have been joined at the hip with the man of your dreams (or so you think)
 
You are excited about the prospects of walking on the beach with your husband and lover. You refuse to think about anything except the beautiful you know is ahead of you. You imagine the dinners you will have, you imagine the conversations that will lead to cuddling, you imagine someone who will never get tired of you.
 
But it turns out, it is all in your head.
 
There are no walks on the beach, there are definitely no dinners, if you go out, it is usually by providence, you hardly spend time together in fact your home sometimes is like a war zone with each side representing Palestine or Israel.
 
Most times you find comfort in tears or food and before too long, you can testify that you are struggling with clinical depression.
 
Days pass, months crystallize into years and they begin to look at you. Your spouse begins to look at you because you have not uttered the words 'I am pregnant' Both families begin to give advice about how to get pregnant, you struggle with what to do while trying to stand firm on your beliefs.
 
When all you really want to do is run, run and stay on a bed forever.
 
Now and again, you are reminded that you are barren and little by little even your spouse begins to discount you as a human being. You are strong, so you must be strong.
 
Then in a moment of clarity in between your depression, you wonder where the 'better for worse' is.
 
You wonder if you have ever been really loved, you wonder if all the ceremony was for show. Truth is, you were married to provide a warm body and birth heirs to brag about.
 
It is nothing short of the modern replica of the times of the old kings of England.
 
Your sense of identity is lost because in your refusal to provide a child, you are not relevant in the scheme of things and everything you do is constantly weighed against the fact that you have not borne a child.
 
But whoever you are my dear darling woman, you matter. You are beautiful and please don't let the worry of not bearing a child mark you and the so much you could be doing as a person while you wait. If your husband is attentive and loving, thank God for him and keep holding on. Build your career, build a legacy so that when that child comes, you will be the phenomenal woman you were meant to be.
 
It is just through my eyes
Gros Bisous

Thursday, 20 March 2014

???-Questions


The guy who serial flirts/cheats says;     ''I am inquisitive''

-  The woman who is fat says;                    ''I can't help it, food serves as my crutches ''

-  The one who says I don't want to subject to His will says;  ‘’There is no God!’’

-  The one who sits and asks to bite a girl;    ‘’A Cannibal in waiting?’’

-  The dolts that keep praising a failed government;   ‘’Barren Intellect?’’

-   A people that never learn from History;       ‘’Nigerians’’

-   A man who likes Sardines & Ebenezer Obey; - Chief Commander Prince Olu

-  The man who courts shame; An adulterer

- The commandeering madam; a body of insecurities

- The Muppet you want to die for but don’t send you- the bodyguard boyfriend

- The singer working in the law office; Talent & Time Waster

- A country with so much yet so little for its citizens; Corrupt Nigeria

- A country that pays ex-militants 60k Naira but has no job for its citizens; Nigeria

- The man/woman that won’t parent their child- ‘Messed up Individuals’

- Average employer found in Nigeria- ‘Abusive’

- A heart of gold and a passion for his country- ‘Omojuwa’

- The lady who wears parades a Prada purse, Manolo heels yet her parents live in a mud hut- the disillusioned material female

 

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Shut Up! Be a dad.


I have an amazing father. I cannot gush enough about how amazing my dad is.

Which is why I found it strange at a point in my life when I noticed that a lot of men were terrible fathers.

I have seen men struggle with how to be men, husbands and dads and the only conclusion I could reach was there was no father to teach them, there was no one to show this boys-now-turned-men how to relate and behave as men when they grew older!

Some argue that it is not an African thing to show emotions or show love. But guess the price for non-involvement is much more steep than the pride you want to hold on to for non-involvement.

Many dads nowadays,  love dressing up kids in lovely clothes, strike selfie poses, go to work and spend an incredible amount of time making money.

Some make all the money and give the kids the best in life, but there is no one to teach the kids about values, the honour in keeping their promises/words.

Kids are not taught how to be responsible for their siblings, how to be selfless, how to be a provider, how to be responsible around the house.

The general assumption is that male kids will have this ''sudden awakening'' at some stage and begin to do all that is expected of them.

Eeeeeeerrrr Nope! That is not going to happen!

If you are maladjusted, you can rectify your issues by reading books, spending QUALITY time with the kids. It would give insight to the kind of parenting they need!

But if you think you have no issues and men before you didn't deal with the crap, then perhaps you should know this...

Quit spending hours at the Drinking bars while assuming that your wife is looking after the kids.
Quit spending all of your time in church while steering clear from involvement in your kid's life
Quit hiding behind work so no one will notice that you cannot bear to be alone with your kids for ten minutes straight.
Quit transferring the lazy mental attitude by sitting in front of the TV all the time

In other words, quit giving excuses!

Shut up! Be a dad

Love always
ilsa aida

Monday, 3 February 2014

Red & Masks: Celebrate the love you have...at The Mercado by ilsa aida

So I am not a very mushy lovey person, but this early this year, I made a decision to celebrate the ALL of the love I have had in life.
 
For every stage of life, I have love in my life so this year I choose to celebrate.
 
I urge you to choose to celebrate the love you have. It may not be what you want, it may not be what you expected but appreciate and celebrate that love.
 
The love of a brother, the love of a sister, the love of a church, the love of a spouse, the love of parents, the love of co-workers, the love of children. All the kinds of love you have and take for granted.
 
Drop by at The Oriental Hotel, Lagos from 12noon, this Sunday, February 9th and come bask in a lot of love.
 
Brought to you by The Mercado by ilsa aida






 
 
Hope to see you there...with your masks
 
xo
ilsa


Friday, 17 January 2014

At 6am

Flash full lights, avoid known pot-holes, zig-zag across slow moving vehicles, blast the jamming music to keep you awake, put on your foundation & nude lipstick for the day, do the car dance when the music hits the crescendo...all from 6am. All that before I reach Ajah bus stop.

All done,  I am a bit calm, I am able to observe my surroundings. I observe and I  ***gasp***
  • The dude in the Hyundai Elantra reading a booklet with his inner light while driving at 80kph
  • The fine boy who hits the fine girls' vehicle, and they step out speaking oyinbo. Wish I could wait to see the drama
  • the woman doing the full beauty make-up line on her bleached face. Whaaat Whoooot!
  • The boy and girl yelling on top of their lungs at each other. oh oh! Night gone awry!
  • The woman in the Prado Jeep dozing in traffic
  •  The dude doing the car version of the harlem shake
  • The woman eating a bowl of Indomie without a care in the world
  • The woman who rolled down her window to lay the red lipstick using the side mirror
  •  
  • The man and woman who keep staring at each other with loving looks for over an hour. Yuck.
          Yes I trailed them. lol
 
At 6am, the roads are an amazing sight!. So much to see, so much to laugh at, so much to learn especially the art of multi-tasking, so much to smile at.
 
All from 6am and beyond.
 
Mwuah. Have a beautiful weekend!

Thursday, 16 January 2014

Let us give a standing ovation to...the player of the year. Episode 3

He is Kevwe...
 
Marilyn said...
 
I met him at the airport. I was on my way to school in Benin, Edo State. I had noticed him with his lean body and amahzing look on the queue. Gosh! He was handsome!
 
I quickly looked away. I had a boyfriend, who was serious about a future with me. And I took relationships seriously.
 
It turned out we were both on the same flight and the only reason I knew this was because I brushed past him on the way to my seat.
 
I apologized and got moving. I was in the final year of university and I did not have time for distractions. No lean, dressing nicely kind of man, handsome man would distract me. No time!
 
I got off the plane and headed towards the cab lot to hail a vehicle to my private university. It was getting late and I still had one hour travel time before I got back to school.
 
I got into the cab and we drove off.
 
I was nudged awake by the driver when I got to the hostels and I guess wanting to make me his permanent customer, he asked for my telephone number. I obliged without any drama.
 
School started. A week went by and life was in the go-mood.
 
Then I got back from class one day and met a bouquet of flowers. It was simply signed 'K'.
 
K? Who was K? My boyfriends' name was Shola.
 
Long story, I got a phone call from K who in fact turned out to be Kevwe..
 
I was shocked how the dude got my phone number but he told me a long story that almost amounted to stalking. His voice, the chase , his manners intrigued me. I needed to know more. Who was this guy?
 
Little gifts came, so did a lot of messages. He spoke to the way my mind operated. Intelligent but funny. I kept them from Shola, I was intrigued. All the attention was too much to pass up.
 
It got worse. Each day, I could not wait till the following day to see what K had planned.
 
Soon the semester was ended and it was time to go home. I flew to Lagos and into the arms of the man who somehow had invaded my every thought.
 
We watched movies and had dinners at the most beautiful restaurants. Kevwe had class. It did not take long before I gently broke it off with Shola. I was in love with Kevwe.
 
He called me his 'baby mama' He showed me what a princess I was. What was there not to love.
 
I was drunk in love. I introduced him to my siblings who grilled in for hours and fell in love with him afterwards.
 
He was a dream.
 
About 8 months after I had graduated and was doing the compulsory National Youth Service Corp, Kevwe invited me to go to Paris with him on holiday.
 
It was magical. It was beautiful.
 
And there in a café by the famed towers, he got down on his knees and asked me to marry him.
 
I looked at him with all the love in my eyes and told him NO!
 
You see, I had never been to Kevwe's house, we always met in hotels. He always locked his phone. I had not met any member of his family. He never picked up phone calls in my presence. He shouted at people who irritated him, choosing to call them bastard!
 
That day, the day he asked me to marry him,  I separated my head from my heart. Kevwe was bad news. He was textbook sample of all I had been told of players.
 
I walked away. Today, I am glad I made the best decision because two months later, I heard he was married.
 
*********************
You can click and read the remaining series
 
Episode 1:
 
Episode 2:

Monday, 13 January 2014

United by pain

She stood on the balcony staring at  the way the sunrise coloured the ocean. She was on her honeymoon with her husband. Her husband of 2weeks, a man she had known for the last 4years.

She felt delirious joy as she looked at KK sleeping.

Her feelings surprised her, she did not realise she had the capacity to to love someone with every part of her body

As she stood smiling, thoughts sipped into her consciousness. Her frown lines sipped from the pores of her skin as she remembered... it had not always been that way.

She met KK four years ago when she was battling through an ugly divorce from her first husband. Chima, was not a terrible person, he just was not the one for her. The zig-zag, unbalanced relationship they had, caused him to beat her, womanize, oppress her. At that time, it became clear to her that they were drowning in a maze of sorrow. The marriage that had started on friendly terms was now a war zone. Each side with its own military arsenal and defence.

At the about that time KK too was having issues with his wife, he said the woman regularly disrespected him, she had adulterous relationships with men at work, she fell out of love with KK.

Ojuolape smiled as she thought about how she and KK met, it was strangely through a mutual friend. They exchanged numbers, chatted now and then, discussing the pain they went through. They didn't know when or how it happened but suddenly they couldn't go through a day successfully without speaking. They had grown on each other.

Soon she and KK were faced with a situation; They genuinely liked each other. But KK was married.
 
She realised that she couldn't continue to proceed with the emotional affair, KK was still married and there was the possibility he and his first wife could work out their issues, She had to cut all communication. She had to let 'them' go.

She remembered that even at that time, she struggled with her Christian faith, she wanted KK for herself but how she felt for another woman's husband was not right. She and KK, they couldn't be found doing the same things they accused their spouses of doing.
 
They both let it go but it hurt, it hurt so bad.
 
She was miserable at work. She snapped at everybody. She wanted KK bad. She wanted him at her side, to look into his eyes, laugh, cry etc.
 
He told her he became calm, he took all his pain to God and got some sort of perseverance. He went back to his marriage, tried to fix it, took out time to love his wife and son. Gave it everything he had.

She let it go, faced her life. KK too. They stopped communicating
 
She started smiling ear to ear when she recollected how they met again. She boarded the plane that was taking her to Nigeria, New York had been so much fun.
 
As she made her way to her seat, she bumped into a passenger by her seat. It was KK. Fates and the airline had seated her with KK.
 
The ocean of emotions ran right back up her heart. He hugged her with all the life he could muster.
 
Legs wobbling, they sat down. Looked at each other with tears running down their faces.
 
He said he and his wife worked at the marriage, they tried but six months ago she went to be with the Lord. She had Cancer.
 
When they arrived Nigeria, he did not let go of her hand, he took her straight to his mum.
 
And they say the rest is history...
 
KK got up and walked to her and held her in an embrace meant only for her. And as she snuggled into the arms of the man who had now become her husband.
 
She realised Pain had brought them together. Pain had united them

Thursday, 9 January 2014

Dear God

Dear God,
 
He is hurting. He is in pain. He has tried all that he knows, he has loved in everyway he knows to. Now he is empty, lonely and afraid.
 
He speaks a lot about his dreams, his vision, his plans but he speaks from Faith. He is not sure that he can deal with the emotional pain he is feeling.
 
He is not known to cry, yet he cries now and then. He cries for a lost love, he cries for a love he cannot have.
 
Many know him, many speak highly of him, many wish he was theirs.
 
He is amused by all the attention, sometimes he feeds off it too but at night when he lays his head to rest, ALL he wants is to be comforted by the love he once knew.
 
Lord, he has been strong all his life, he has hustled his way to some recognition but now there is an ache, an emptiness, a void that only you can fill.
 
For the few hours he spends at work, he turns his head and heart to robots. No feelings! No thinking! Just Work!
 
There is nothing he will not give for a second chance to do it better. There is nothing he will not give for a chance to turn back the hand of time.
 
He is afraid to pray, afraid to come before you. He thinks you will judge him for all the wrong he has done. He forgets that you are a loving God.
 
This man, your son needs you. You are the only one who can give him the calm he needs in his heart.
 
Do not forsake him dear Lord, do not leave him to himself. He needs you so much. He is nothing without you.
 
Exchange his pride for humility, make him what he was born to be, let him accomplish all he sets his heart to according to your will.
 
I know you hear me, I know you will never forsake me.

Thank you dear God

ff: the woman praying for the men in their lives.

Wednesday, 8 January 2014

I am waiting for you...

I don't talk about you to anyone. I don't let on the fact that I miss you and I am waiting for you.
 
Your name 'Aida-Zoe is the password for some official documents. I can't wait for you to get here.
 
The love I know I will have for you is going to be so powerful, I have already imagined how attentive I will be to ALL your needs.
 
I have made plans for all the cities of the world I want to show you, I have made plans for all the things we will create together.
 
I cannot wait to show you off to everyone and say that is my...
 
I know you are going to be awesome. I know I will be so proud of you when you accomplish all you want to do in life.
 
Truth is, I don't fret or worry about you like everybody else around me. I know you will come!
 
You are smiling at me, I can feel it. I already feel your love even though you are nowhere in sight. But like your name implies, you are noble.
 
You are not Faith talk, you are not my fantasy, you are real. 'Realer' than the air I breathe now even though I cannot feel you.
 
No one will love you like I will. No one will protect you like I will. No one will be firm with you like I will be. No one will tell you the truth more than I will.
 
I promise that I will always give you Truth & Love
 
I will be your rock, I will be your human strength, I will pray for you, I will hold you when you are blue, nothing will touch you through me.
 
Everything I do is for you. All of the sleepless nights, all of what I have endured is for you.
 
I know you will be just too good to be true.
 
I am already blessed with the wealth of knowing you will come. There is NOTHING anyone can say different.
 
My Joy, My love, My heartbeat, My deliciousness, My everything!
 
No matter how long it takes my darling, I will be waiting for you.
 
 
 

Tuesday, 7 January 2014

Let me upgrade you!

So I was going to write on another topic today when I started chatting with an old girlfriend on Facebook. And the stuff she said motivated me to write this post.

I am a believer in the fact that women are powerful, I mean you don't have to sing about who runs the world like BeyoncĂ©,  to realise that women do. (I know I am going to get an earful of comments from the male folk) But I don't care.

The slant eye, the evil stare, the keep your hands to yourself mama, the trashy put your clothes on, the this my space and my territory, all point to the fact that we are full of life and drama.

Fact! Women are territorial, they do not readily welcome another female into the fold until you prove that you are not there to compete.

And men, do we like to compete!
 
 C'mon Ladies. A specie as powerful as the womenfolk cannot afford to fight with each other. What to do is empower each other.

Recognize what your sister is. Help. Empower. Upgrade

We are super human. Imagine all of that strength, all of that multi-tasking abilities, all of that drama, all of that focus geared towards helping one another.

It will definitely be a case of 'We rule the world'
 
I will empower any lady with my strengths. I hope you will do the same for me.
 
Be a shoulder, Listen, Care, help me pose properly for selfies, tell me the truth, be loyal, be firm, pray with me, cry with me, laugh with me, hold my hand through the wilderness
 
No more competition, no more 'you must not do better than me'
 
Just Love...in that way that only women can. And let us build a world that we rule.
(Running to hide before they begin to throw stones)

Gros Bisous

Monday, 6 January 2014

Honour my Curves

Evening Memo to the men,

Just because I do not look like the skinny b*****s you see on the cover of magazines or starve myself to look like a model, does not mean I am less than human.
 
You will NOT ridicule me, You will NOT comment on how busty I am, you will NOT comment on how big my backside is, you will NOT joke around and call me Orobo. What you will do, is honour my curves.
 
I ain't joking.
 
My body is my temple, I may be sizes different from what you are used to but you will worship it and you will honour my curves.
 
I do not want to hear you mutter s**t about it, I do not want to hear you compare me with your sister, mother, wife, girlfriend or concubine, I will have your heart for breakfast. And No!, I am not a witch!
 
I am tired of societal expectations, I am tired of everyone expecting me to look like the next woman, if you want me to look like the next woman, perhaps you should be with the next woman. No jokes. This is the dope truth right here.
 
I will NOT entertain your disrespect for my body and allow your shallow thoughts water down to the younger generation who are confused about how to interpret what all the noise is about extra-curvy women.
 
And FYI, if I see you disrespect any young baby girl, laugh at her or make her cry, then you are going to get the #ilsaaidamemo. I am not playing.
 
Don't get me wrong, we need to exercise to stay healthy, live long and be happy.
 
But in that journey to that point, don't expect me to understand that you have an insane need to disrespect my body because I am 'femally' different.
 
Just Honour my curves and the curves of every baby girl out there and you and I will not have any problems.
 
 
Signed
ff: Every Femally Female around the world.