Thursday, 29 August 2013

I am a cake Snob, get it right before you parade it as a business!

Lately, I find that I am a Cake snob.
 
I can't eat some types of cakes made by some people. It looks scary like a mix of flour, colouring, groundnut oil, smoke and stupidity.
 
I think if you want to make cake the focal point of your business, perhaps you should sit down and study rather than push out substandard products for my taste buds.
 
If you are going to make sponge cakes, please please, do it over and over again in your closet till you get it right or you can feed your immediate family with the outcome of your experiments. But till then, do not parade yourself as a cake maker.
 
The same goes for people who decorate cakes. I am begging you in the name of everything dear, broaden your horizon. I don't want to send you a design of a cake I want, only to have you do something drummed up from the recesses of your dark twisted mind. (Did you not see the picture or may I send you Magnifying glasses in ratio 1000 for you to see clearly?)
 
I am going to stop before I mention the name(s) of people who inspired this post.
 
Yeah Ok Bye.

Popular paupers.

They are everywhere.

They are famous as a result of the job they do. You know some of them as fashion designers, some of them as entrepreneurs, some others as Disc Jockeys, some others are Radio & TV Personalities.

They work hard at their jobs but the remuneration is usually way less than their popularity.

They try so hard to buy expensive phones, buy vehicles on credit. They try to live up to the expectations that you and I create for them. They work really hard on their jobs but they do not get money that equates their popularity.

They attend all the parties, wear the right clothes, photograph with the right people. They keep hoping that they will meet the connections that will change their financial status in the not so distant future

When you see them, you hurry to take pictures with them. There is absolutely no way you could have guessed that the value of the pictures is the coins in which they are paid for their popularity.The act and the pictures is the currency in which they are paid for their popularity.

These popular paupers work as hard (sometimes even harder) than those with the regular jobs. Most people think they are committed fun seekers because their names are not attached to a prefix like Doctor, Barrister. I disagree, they have jobs, more importantly, bills to pay.

So on behalf of the popular paupers, I say stop paying with coins and pay enough for us to pay our bills.
 
Gros Bisous.

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

And Bimbo Alli got married...

I met this socially awkward girl when I first wrote the entrance examination into the private university I attended.
 
She acted like she knew everything and I was a bit bothered. I mean,  I act that way, I don't need a twin in that aspect. Craziness was bound to happen in the midst of two 'I to Know'
 
Anyhoo, I discovered this socially awkward girl was someone like me, multi talented and could do anything with her hands. We started the decoration business together, we snuck out of school to go to 'Simbabe' in Surulere to purchase balloons, flowers and any expensive and beautiful ornament to increase our popularity as the wonder women of the school.
 
Bimbo loved and still loves God and even though her mouth spew out caustic remarks at intervals, I realised early that she was a lifetime friend. (Some friends are for seasons)
 
When craziness creeped into my life, I realised that Bimbo was a loyal friend. It was so easy to spot her loyalty out of the circle of friends I soon realised gossiped about me and spent so much time waiting to see what would happen. Bimbo told me straight. She did not speak behind my back, she said what she thought and even though sometimes they were unkind, I was grateful to her.
 
We left school and went our separate ways. I started working in my current establishment and I remember Bimbo left her office to bring me birthday gifts of Ankara on a rainy day. She is that kind of friend.
 
Seeing her in the last 2 weeks, I observed that this lady had become a phenomenal woman, she had added sewing to the huge list of handmade talents, baking, beads making etc. I am thoroughly proud of her.
 
She leaves soon to another part of the world to start the journey with a man (whom I daresay is terribly cute). I miss her already. I miss her friendship.
 
Sweetheart...the best is yet to come for you. I know God will reward every loyalty, every kindness, every love you have shown me.
 
I love you to bits hun. I am confident that you will make it through.
 
love always
xoxo
ilsa aida

Inside you are a wasteland

I see you.
 
Your Cartier bag, your Rolex does not fool me.
 
You smile with perfection adorned by your perfect set of white teeth, your manners are...(let us just say that the Queen of England would envy your manners)
 
Sometimes you are considered intelligent, some other times, you and I both know that you have no clue what side of the spectrum you belong.
 
You 'try' to radiate hope, positivity and love but we that can see how that it is a mirage.
 
Your heart is cold, your heart is deep and evil, your heart wishes it could purge itself of all the darkness in there.
 
You know your heart is deceitful, cunning and opportunistic. What you really want is to hurt and use anyone who has the misfortune of knowing you.
 
You know that your beautiful or handsome face, your special class designer labels cannot cover the fact that inside you are a wasteland.
 
Gros Bisous my darlings!

Friday, 2 August 2013

Side chicks be like 'Tomorrow Tommorrow'

After the call, she drops the phone and sighs Tunde is unavailable tonight!
 
 He is with that wife of his Amanda. He seems to be spending a lot of time with her lately but let's face it he cannot resist me or my curves. It is just how it is.
 
I hear so many people make noise about how evil I am because I am dating a married man. But come on, I know my place, I am just a side chic with plenty to offer this man who cannot stay focused on his wife.
 
I don't need him to marry me, I just want to help out in ways only I can help (if you know what I mean)
 
I hear Amanda has heard about me. But even she understands that she alone cannot handle the hunk called Tunde, he is man through and through.
 
Yesterday, my friend asked if I was not worried my own husband will cheat on me since I was doing the same with another woman's husband?
 
Truthfully, I haven't thought that far, besides, ALL men cheat. ALL men are dogs. If my future husbands gets a side chic, I hope she will be someone as classy as me.
 
I am the one he hangs out with out bars & clubs because his prude of a wife thinks she is too holy. I bring out that side of him that he loves so much. Which is why he and I have been going on strong for four (4) years.
 
It is eternity in the Side Chic years, perhaps I should refer to myself as a mistress now. Oh well!
 
Anyhow, I am off to bed now, Tunde has never been away from me for more than 2days. So tomorrow tomorrow, he will be here!
 
Side Chic out!