Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Someone said 'Not a good article or person'. Do you agree?


Brief History

A while back, I posted an article on 'What about the short men?' Ateyelevel tumblr account reposted some part of the article and posted the link to my blogsite for readers to read the rest. It appears that one of those readers did not find what I posted funny nor did he find what I posted on Am I gay Lover? 'http://www.ilsa-aida.blogspot.com/2013/06/am-i-gay-lover.html'

So read what this lovely person had to say

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You posted this link http://ilsa-aida.blogspot.com/2013/06/what-about-short-men.html  awhile back, and just no. 
While other men get increasingly confused/burdened by the ways of a woman, the short man has nearly mastered the art of getting a woman in a controlled state.
Do you not see the blatant misogyny in this at all? Yes, the author is a woman, that doesn’t change the fact that the whole “women need to be controlled" trope is misogynist.
Short men were the boys who were small in school and bullied by bigger boys. Some became bitter and hateful. Some others assessed the situation, noted their perceived disadvantages and did something about it.
They learnt the art of sweet speaking & complimenting (something no woman however hard is immune to), egoistic (where the need arose), pressuring when ignored. They obtained additional lessons from books, male gist, the roving Internet and women whose opinion they revered.
This is so goddamn heteronormative it hurts, just to begin with. Not like that should be surprising, considering the author is blatantly homophobic, albeit under the air of “oh I don’t hate them, I just think what they do is wrong and they’re on the wrong path and ‘choosing’ to be gay even though God says they should be straight". Vomit.

It’s fine if you personally want to shill the whole narrative of “I was bullied for being short and so found ways to ‘make up for it’" but neither you nor the author of this piece should be painting all the “good" short men with the same brush. I thought the whole point of anti-heightism was to simply bring equality, to show that it’s not better to be tall than short and short people are just people and deserve respect. What if you were a bullied short man (or male-perceived person) and you didn’t do all that stuff, while not bitter or hateful you were shy* and didn’t want to be a part of “male gist" (whatever the hell that is)? Are you suddenly “not making an effort" whereas someone of a taller stature would just be being themselves?

(*And not the passive-aggressive NiceGuyTM “shy", in case that needed to be stated. Looking at any d-bags who use terms like “friendzone" and “girls just like bad boys/alphas.)

You need to be careful who you link to and really think about the content of posts. Heightism affects me, and I don’t want it to get dismissed because people can take a look at blogs like yours and come away with the impression that it’s mainly a bunch of straight dudes whining about not getting dates and acting like it’s the last frontier of discrimination (major hint: it’s not). Especially this whole “but would they dare say such blatant things about women/PoC/gay people in this day and age?" thing.

 The answer is yes, yes they would. And there are also more subtle ways of discrimination which I would hope that you could also appreciate. If someone doesn’t actually say “I don’t respect short people" but then goes on to ignore a short person’s contributions, laugh at them when they try to take charge, make “awww so cute, no, I respect you, really" comments, don’t you think that’s just as bad if not worse than a singular “urgh short people are so annoying" comment? At least with the latter you can actually directly address what they’re saying.

Anyway point is I like to keep an eye on both yours and The Social Complex’s blog to make sure that you’re not stuffing up on other axes of discrimination, and I just felt that this really needed to be said. I don’t think you’re doing too bad (and TSC is doing quite well for the most part) but after reading that link I wanted to go over some stuff that doesn’t seem to get too much airtime (posttime? tumblrtime?) over here. I’ll also be submitting a copy of this to TSC, just so they see it about the same time as you.
Thanks
-TPD

The deviant half

I find that I am constantly warring with the deviant half of myself.

The half that wants to bitch-slap that lady who is cussing in my face. The half that wants to just stay at home and do NOTHING!

I find that my deviant half is ready to give every lippy individual who directs the products of their lips into my direction, a dirty stare followed with some sharp retort where necessary.

My deviant half wants to drink Coca-Cola and pray there is no consequence of extended hips.

My deviant half wants to lay back, think about everyone who has hurt me from Primary school and plan an orchestrated revenge on each and every one of them.

My deviant half wants to go for a half year vacation and still get paid at the office.

Stop rolling your eyes at my deviant half.

I see your deviant half.  I see you struggling with sleeping with married men for a fee. I see your deviant half accepting that all you are good for is a lay around.

Your deviant half terrifies you. You spend so much money on alcohol trying to impress friends that do not give a hoot about you or your content. You refuse to grow balls to conquer your deviant half.

I see how your deviant half makes you do stupid things. That girl you thought you could have a fling with while your wife was at home has now reported you to the SFU (Special Fraud Unit) and now you have been dragged to court over some business you did with her.

The deviant half struggles for domination. It wars with the good, the better part of ourselves.

I promise you, the deviant half can be controlled. It can be stayed.

I know. I am in the process of controlling mine.

Control your deviant half before it wrecks you.

Thursday, 18 July 2013

The Culture of expectation-Nigeria's new creed

When you are about to exit an eatery, a supermarket, anyone who is observant will notice that the security men greet you expectantly and in cases when the individual is bold, they out rightly ask you for money for 'the weekend' 'as per I be your boy' etc.
 
It is the way of the new Nigeria.
 
Somehow, the culture of expectation has crept into our National Creed. It is a stamp of the new Nigerian Individual.
 
At the Ministries, this culture is a full business enterprise. You either play to it or you get out! Brilliant Ideas, Outstanding business modules have been lost in the sea of people who refused to play to the culture of expectation. 
 
Enter: Scene: when kids go to visit uncles, aunties & relatives, they hang around on the way out hoping for some money to drop from this older person (whether he has it or not)
 
When your vehicle sinks in the sea of sand or a literal sea outside your terrible-road, passersby stop to help push out. Vehicle is pushed out.
 
Not so fast ma'am, how far?
 
You are shocked so you reach into your purse and bring out 500 Naira and they tell you it is insufficient the 3 of them. They say, their 'push' cost 2000 Naira.
 
Yes, like I said, the culture of expectation!
 
You get into the bus with a younger person and they expect you to pay for the fare after all it is our way, the Nigerian way.
 
You travel out of the country for a much needed vacation. You barely scrapped enough to pay for a hotel but everybody at the office, the family, friends expect you to buy something for them. Too much pressure. Vacation causing headaches. It is probably better to sneak in and out without telling anyone (that breeds the Nigerian over-secretive attitude)
 
Is this culture causing more harm than good?
 
Let us review.
 
 
  xoxo  
ilsa aida
 
 
 

Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you, I promise.

So I love to read, beautiful, scary, wonderful, gossip(covering my eyes, E is making a killing from it now, so I can do as I like) etc. I also love music and how it makes me feel.
 
Mountain of Fire & Miracles, Rap music, Grandparents, Village uncles, not-so-rap music have most people believing that they have haters. Haters who are trying to bring them down, haters who are trying to wreck havoc on their image, haters, haters haters everywhere.
 
Now what I really find interesting is the people who have attained mid-life goals who post on Facebook that all my haters take this and take that. They spend so much time speaking on haters rather than getting a job, or thinking smart. They ascribe their recent stunted growth to the work of haters.
 
Sometimes I wonder what there is to hate. People may sometimes admire but trust me all the hating is in your head.
 
You may say writing this piece means I am hating but shouldn't you pause and ask
 
1. Why am I so engrossed with haters?
2. Is it possible I am one, after all, they say what goes around comes around
 
My little piece of advice though is Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you, I promise.

Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Are you Lagos strong?

Can you shout NEPA when electrical power goes out?
 
Can you jump on a moving public bus so you can get to work on time?
 
When your care tyres are spent and touching the money in your account will mean suicide, do you know the 'koro' where the sell used tyres?
 
Can you spend more than half of your salary on a party (birthdays, baby dedications etc) to impress colleagues, friends and enemies?
 
Do you know three (3) alternative routes to your home?
 
Have you figured out what you will do when you are attacked by Armed robbers, kidnappers etc?
 
Have you you figured out the different health centres you will visit when you have
a. minor issues (Pharmacy)
b. semi major issues (HMO'd hospitals)
c. definitely major issues (Specialized hospital
 
 Do you have a relative you will dump your kids with, when you need to party or run from their incessant crying?
 
Can you withstand the constant cheating by your so-called vehicle mechanics when you take your vehicles to them?
 
Can you endure at least 3 hours of traffic everyday to and fro work?
 
Can you afford to buy nice things at twice the price because of ticket cost etc?
 
Can you afford to pay for everything including water, soil. The only thing that is free is AIR.
 
Can you afford the aso-ebi that may cost an arm and a leg for your friends and family. It is the accepted way of showing support.
 
Are you sure you are Lagos strong?