Friday, 28 June 2013

ilsa aida's love

I laid down on my favourite sofa chair about a week ago, convinced that I did not have much to be grateful for. I mean I didn't have this and that, I was not yet doing this and that, somethings I had worked on were yet to crystallize and so on and so on.
Then I reflected on 2012.
I realised I could only be lying down on that sofa chair as a result of God's goodness. The fires have burned, the storms have raged, my soul was almost lost, but somehow Jesus who I trust and love brought me through stronger.
So today, as I add another year, I want to thank you for loving me, I want to thank him for surrounding me with love at every turn. He has never left me comfortless, he has granted me favour. What people have called luck in my life, I am certain was God's grace.

And to the wonderful people who read my blog, how u doing??? Birthdays are a big deal with me and my family. Do y'all have the same birthday fever like I do?
I love you all very much. Keep reading, so much more to come.

Thursday, 27 June 2013

'My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you are sweeter than my solitude'

 I sit crossed legged at the end of the Conference table and speak to every man who wants to date/marry me.
You see, I am not really interested in whether you are wealthy or pay your bills or are responsible etc(though that would not be bad). I just want to know real quick what you can do for me.
Here is the thing, I work hard, I pay my own bills, I drive a very (did I mention super nice) nice car? I take vacations to places I wanna go, I am loved and respected in my work establishment, when I feel the need to mother anyone, I babysit my nieces and nephews, I super duper love my parents and oh I am able to buy shoes, clothes (Major designers or otherwise). I would say I am pretty comfortable.
But most important of all my blessings is that I am happy, I am fulfilled, I don't feel like I am missing anything. Nights are beautiful, I sit on my grey sofa chair and catch up on my TV shows with a glass of wine, I sing so loud in my room when I feel the need. I am truly happy especially when I see my girlfriends and hear about their marriages.
Many times I use the words of Destiny's Childs' 'Girl' -
      'I can see you've been crying and you need somebody to talk to
       I can see he is been lying and pretending that he is faithful and he loves you
       You don't have to be hiding, don't be ashamed he hurt you
        I am your girl
as direction for how to speak and counsel my girlfriends who are having a rough time in marriage. While I console, I just think what joy and peace I have in my solitude.
It is a myth that most girls want to get married. Naaaa, there is the new breed and we hate drama. We hate the nagging, the clinging, the upsetness that men cause. We just want us some peace.
So men, what do you have to say? 
My alone feels really really really good, are you going to be sweeter than my solitude?
***Let us hear what the men have to say about this***

It is just through my eyes darlings. Have a good evening!

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

What about the short men?

If two ladies were introduced to two men, one short and the other tall, chances are that both ladies will be immediately attracted to the tall man. Somehow, the world has indoctrinated into our hearts that the tall men are the handsome, good looking and possibly intelligent men.
Please add this pre-conceived notion to biceped shaped body and we have a WOW guy and moment when introduced to a lady for the first time.
Now, Biko, what about the short men?
I have seen ladies give up relationships with men for the singular reason that he was short. Short men were the boys who were small in school and bullied by bigger boys. Some became bitter and hateful. Some others assessed the situation, noted their perceived disadvantages and did something about it.
They learnt the art of sweet speaking & complimenting (something no woman however hard is immune to), egoistic (where the need arose), pressuring when ignored. They obtained additional lessons from books, male gist, the roving Internet and women whose opinion they revered.
So this new breed of men-the short men have a lot more stease than your perceived regular or tall men. While other men get increasingly confused/burdened by the ways of a woman, the short man has nearly mastered the art of getting a woman in a controlled state.
Ladies, you have heard my premise, would it be safe to say then that we all have a greater chance of love with short men? Do you suppose that they might be more sensitive to us, more in tune with our demands and more importantly love us beyond reason?
Shortness is not a disease, perhaps it may be the secret ingredient to a happy life if paired with a short man. But hey, what do I know, it is just through my eyes and my somewhat futile attempt to psychoanalyse.
Please go ahead and drop your comments.

Monday, 24 June 2013

The confessions of a drama queen

I am most definately a drama queen.

I love attention. And even though most people consider me patient and well regulated, truth is I cannot pass a moment to be a woman with drama.

I nag (please don't tell my husband, I will deny confessing to that) when things don't go the way I want it to. I cry at the slightest hurt, I plan revenge in my heart when some one hurts me (only to be chastised by God during my quiet time), I love to the extremes (I guess that is why I expect people to love me by showering gifts in the extremes)
I say what is on my mind, I yell, I scream. I pray for my Range Sport. I am incoherent when I am crying. I want my man to know already what hurts me and stay by my side till I feel safe enough to open up.
 I am not a hater but I hate that b***h with the slim bud. *sigh* yet Coke/Pepsi is my best friend. Perhaps I should sue them for creating 'addiction'. No I cannot blame myself for the addiction. I blame Coca-cola.
I want to be a little girl again, to be looked after by my mum and dad. But I don't want to trade the pleasures I feel with my husband. Yea, like I said, drama queen.
I love people coming to visit me at home but sometimes really I just want to be left alone to sleep, fantasize and possibly watch the latest episode of 'True Blood'
I have loads and loads of shoes but truth is I wear just about 20% of them. Is that not crazy?
I am not very practical when I am emotional and this conflicts with the very dictates of my profession.

I love love but I won't admit in public, really don't want anyone thinking I am a girly girl.

So when people say I am a drama queen, I don't get upset, I accept it and I won't change it for the world. It is what makes me woman.

 Signed Drama Queen

So all y'all drama queens, narrate your drama queeness on here. The men that love them too, go on ahead and drop a line too.

Tommorrow, I am gonna be posting an article by Tunji Andrews. It is an article I have had to war with posting.  All of it here. Stay tuned.

Have a fruitful day.

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

The Nigerian Police; Public Force or Guns for Hire!

The Police!!!

I usually get enraged by this phrase. I have never seen an institution created to protect who cause a menace like the Nigerian Police Force.

First off, I think their name should be changed to 'Guns for hire'. They do not protect the citizens of the country. The only protect those who have money (obtained legally or illegally). Their slogan should read 'we are the police, we will protect you for a fee'

Corruption has eaten deep into the fabric of the police force. Corruption is their anthem

Common Brand Pointers of the Nigerian Police Force

1. They carry naked weapons and point them at commuters at will
2. Nigerians are very afraid of the police, consequently, they leverage on the fear and show you and I pepper.
3. The IGP's recruited never have a clue as to how to manage with the police force. Frankly they need to be re-instructioned
4. They work for the interest of the few; the government and their aides. Haven't you every wondered where the fee of numerous policemen who escort the important people come from? Well guess, they come from the tax you and I pay.
5. I have known a couple of policemen, some of them marry more than one wife and then they scream to anyone who can hear that they earn a meagre salary, who does that?
6. Funny thing, when an important foreign dignitary arrives the country and there is traffic, the 'Guns for Hire' bully every person and vehicle on the streets for passage of foreign dignitary vehicle. Can you imagine?
There is no police station you take a matter to, you will be expected to bribe the officials for one thing or the other. The police do not protect the citizens, they exploit them. They are usually at the beckon of the Commissioner of Police. The COP's friends are the ones who use policemen for varying activities
I don't know if there are any steadfast genuine Nigerian Policemen anymore, but one thing is for sure you and I have a better chance at protecting ourselves than the Nigerian Police Force.
Pleas go ahead and state any encounters you may have had with the Nigerian Police.

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Act your wage...

There is the increasing media hype in today's dynamic world that encourages men, women and children to appear more than they really are. Pastors in church chant 'Dress the way you want to be addressed', Adverts scream, Reality TV like 'Keeping Up with the Khardasians' make you want to use your credit cards and get outfits and shoes like Kim.K and her sisters have. When you spend time on Instagram and follow people like Uyanda Mbuli and many other Nigerian/African and International stars you want to order a pair of Louboutins/Valentinos/Manolo so you can take pictures and show the world that you have red soled shoes too. (Oh and I forgot to add, you earn a little less than a 1000 dollars a month).
How could I forget the hair we purchase at every turn for tens and hundreds of thousands? Human hair is good but when you buy that type about 5 or 10 times a year on a salary that competes with other life things like Housing, Food, Savings etc.
What does that say about you?
For the men, you want to step in Italian shoes, buy bespoke suits in dollars, wear hats that you cannot afford all because you want to be perceived in a particular fashion. You buy (oh I am sorry,mortgage) vehicles far above what you can afford, hang out at clubs and purchase drinks, one of which is the cost of fueling your car tank for a week,  (if i may ask, what exactly are you celebrating?) you take that lady you have been eyeing out to a restaurant you have never visited by yourself all in a bid to impress. You buy those watches from your friend ''the cloth merchant'' are above 200k in naira and pay 10 times all because you want the world to think you are it.
As if that is not enough, you borrow to take International holidays with your family (not because you need it) but because the world needs to understand that you take summer holidays like the rest of the world.
But the world is not fooled, we kinda calculate what you earn or ask around when we notice your extravagance is a tad to much. When we find out you do all that to belong, we spend a good amount of time laughing but an even greater amount of time feeling sorry for you.
Reason is because many of the people you are trying to copy do not actually buy their clothes or shoes. Many of those designers you wanna kill yourself for, send it to them for free. This is the situation with most entertainers, and stylediffusers(whose job is to model clothes and shoes sent to them by PR agencies, take photos and post them for you and I who will then be tricked by the constant eye rape to purchase what we really do not need)

Don't get me wrong, dressing well is important, appearing good is even better.

But in the words of my favourite Nigerian DJ, don't go broke trying to look rich...Act your wage.

It is definately through my don't have to agree.

Be sure to check out our sister blog

Friday, 14 June 2013

What is 'WHITE' about a wedding?

by Lucas Togan
…if we as a people refuse to do away completely with the borrowed culture of “white wedding” we should at the very least relegate it to Thursdays and promote the “real wedding”, our wedding, to Saturdays
Of the many generic things wrong with the sub-Saharan African the one irking me the most right now is the relegation of our tradition to the back burner and letting imported culture of the West take preeminence.
I was in Ado-Ekiti (The capital of Ekiti state in South West, Nigeria) penultimate weekend to witness the wedding ceremony of a close friend. He had earlier told me that he had cancelled the “white wedding” and that it was going to be only registry at the court and traditional ceremony. As expected, I had promptly asked if the lady was pregnant or whatever his reason was for cancelling the “white wedding”. As I would learn she was not knocked up. He just did not want it. PERIOD!
That set me to thinking: I am all for original, self-generated and self-involved actions. I am totally sold to people, ideas and actions that are unaffected by society, rules or norms.
I spent the entire week leading to the wedding wondering why Africans (especially those living on the continent) bother with “white wedding?” I cannot remember the last wedding I attended that I did not have to buy aso ebi. Aso ebi is a Nigerian thing, where people attending the same function (usually weddings, funerals, birthdays and the like) purchase a fabric and wear it to the function. It is usually worn by family and close friends. At weddings however, the people who wear English clothes usually include the couple, the members of the train and a few of the guests. I make bold to say 90% of the guests appear in one form of traditional attire or the other. This begs the question – what is “white” about a white wedding? Maybe the bridal gown.
Photo credit: The great wedding website information

What gnaws at me the most is not the practice in itself but the fact that our traditional wedding (the real wedding) which we understand very well is now termed “engagement” and the imported culture is called “wedding,”.
Back to my Ado-Ekiti experience. That Saturday because there was no church proceedings involved, the couple had the liberty to choose a 12pm commencement. This is obviously the same time most guests (who never attend the church for the blessings anyway) arrive to take plush seats at “white wedding” reception venues. It was a most memorable experience personally because it showcased the wealth of the Yoruba culture. Being a Saturday, most people made it to the venue. There was no expensive wedding dress to be returned for half the price (at best), instead there was an expensive lace combination that the bride can wear again to any august occasion. There was no culture war in the pictures. They picked an aso ebi that rhymed and complemented every part of the occasion. For the first time anyone in attendance who wasn’t dressed in traditional attire would have felt out of place.
What I picked from the trip is that– if we as a people refuse to do away completely with the borrowed culture of “white wedding” we should at the very least relegate it to Thursdays and promote the “real wedding”, our wedding, to Saturdays. I believe we can always make arrangement for the Man-of-God to bless our union at whatever venue we choose on Saturday (after all the good book says, “where two or more are gathered in my name there I am with them”) where we celebrate a truly African nuptial that showcases our heritage.
There are so many things we’ve borrowed from the west and benefited immensely from but this is not and should not be one of them.
SPARK! Let’s change it!–
“Everything has a price.”
Article Credit: Ynaija (Originally posted on Ynaija)

Thursday, 13 June 2013

Am I a gay lover???

Today, I had several discussions about the issue of Same Sex relationships at work. And it was truly amazing. A colleague narrated an experience where Bisi Alimi (The first Nigerian to out himself as a Gay man on National Television, specifically on Funmi Iyanda's show) hugged him in school and he could feel his 'hard on". (sorry but I had to be descriptive)

On Instagram & other social medias, I have followed people only to discover they were lesbians or homosexuals.

Now at work, at socializing, I am confronted with the reality that one day I will have to evaluate my attitude towards these people. Last December, my younger brother who lives in Canada was complaining bitterly about how he is unable to speak about Homosexual acts that bother him at the workplace.

Slowly, the media, social circles, Nigerian kids who schooled abroad and who have returned are creating a foundation that makes it okay to be a lesbian or homosexual and most importantly tolerate their actions.

I am a Christian. And I cannot condone Homosexuality & Lesbianism. The simple logic is we were created for a reason by a Creator, when do we then wake up and tell our Creator that we have found other use for the organs he has created us with. It is the situation where the created is telling the creator how he would like to use his sexual organs. i.e deviating from the original use. If you were the creator, what would be your reaction?

And despite criminalizing the act in Nigeria, many many people are closet Gays. The Lesbians hide under the fact that they are sharing accommodation spaces and do what they do. The Homosexuals carry out the wishes of the society and marry a wife who they rarely have sex with and maintain the homosexual relationships outside they take trips abroad under the business disguise.

For me the real issue is how does one separate the Act from the Individual. How do you love a person after you learn of their sexual preference? Is tolerating them not discriminating against what I believe to be the truth?

I have observed that most lesbians are girls that were not pretty enough to be cool, big/fat, tall, awkward, many whose sources of love was from a best friend(girl), sisters or parents. I do not believe this to be the exhaustive reasons for why people become lesbians.

And I have absolutely no reasons as to why people become homosexuals though I may have some thoughts.

It is no longer creeping into our society, It is there and we are getting influenced day by day why we need to tolerate the act. While I have love for all lesbians and homosexuals, I do not condone the act. It is an unnatural use of sex organs and no, no one was born that way. It is a lifestyle choice.

Even more disturbing for me is the fact that they are allowed to raise children. I am against this by every fibre in my being. Give the kids a chance to make their own choices, don't indoctrinate them from the beginning and give them a foundation of ridicule.

So Yes I love love the lesbians and homosexuals. I believe they are misguided but I absolutely hate the act and I detest even more people trying to convince me and societies that there is nothing wrong with it.

But like I say, it is just through my eyes. My thoughts as I see them.

Please go ahead and check out our style blog

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Hi. This is Townplanner Ibikunle...

Today, my colleague received a call and the conversation went like this
Caller: Is this Barrister D**ji?
Colleague: Yes. Please who I am speaking to?
Caller: I am Town planner Akindele.
Stop. Say what? We all rolled with laughter. Haba. Is that how much he needed to feel relevant? Introducing himself with the prefix of Town Planner?
But it is the norm here. We put the title of the profession before our names hoping that it would make us more important than we really are. We put Engineer, Doctor, Lawyer (Barrister) etc. I am inclined to believe that if we had Astronauts here, such a person would introduce himself as Astronaut Ayokunle.
I have heard people introduce themselves as Chief Dr Alhaji ****, I suppose the elderly man imagined that he would garner respect from his attendant audience. I daresay, he generated mirth and mouthy replies.
The same applies to people who introduce themselves with the names of the degrees they have earned. i.e Chief Mrs. Bunmi Shodipo LL.B, B.L, BA. PHD. Can you imagine that? I wanted to suffocate from embarrassment. Seriously?
Let us try and imagine Barack & Michelle Obama say 'Hello World, I am Senator Barrister Barack Obama and this is my wife Chief Mrs. Senoir Barrister Michelle Obama. Please be honest will you not shake your head?
Careers do not define your worth. They may act as a stepping stone. But they are far from defining who you are.
 So whenever you are tempted to introduce yourself as Surveyor Tunde, Radio Personality George or Blogger Ibilola, remember that it don't define us. We will still be alive if everything else dies.
So excited about the posts for the remainder of the week. A whole lot more to come
Go ahead and check out the sister blog
Love you guys. Mwuah.

Monday, 10 June 2013

The Nigerian girl: what we deal with, what we will no longer tolerate!

Most Nigerian girls are trained from childhood to run a home. At an early age, the mum insists on her cleaning dishes, serving guests, looking after the younger ones etc. At that young age, the girl finds it really cool to do what grown ups are doing.
Fast forward to Teenagehood.
The Nigerian girl has metamorphosed into going to the market to buy raw food for the home, cooks the meals for the whole house (at the late teens). She finds it irritating.
At the earliest opportunity, when she obtains admission to the university, she cannot wait to take a breath. Be naughty, do the things her friends do, have a boyfriend, leave school for the weekend. All she wants is a break from this regimented life her parents have mapped out for her.
The years at the University soon fly by and the baby girl now a woman resumes back at home. The only difference is that she has a job but she would give anything just to live alone. She still helps around the house but she wished she didn't. Between work and herself, she is just plain tired. Her parents have told her that she would move from their home to her husband's house
With all the craziness parading as marriages these days, my girl wants to take her time. She wants to discover who she is, make mistakes and find out the lifestyle that works for her sanity.
So she says
1. I don't need a husband to put a roof over my head
2. I need to find out who I am
3. I don't want to change slave masters for me to be a complete woman i.e father to husband.
4. I need to discover myself to be a great companion to any man
5. I am not a slave. I am a daughter, I am a lady. I am woman.
So men, when you complain about women wanting to shackle you, perhaps you should take out time and ask if they truly want to be shackled to you. Most of them just want a measure of freedom...and you were their way out! Yep. You appeared to be the ticket to freedom.
I personally think if women were allowed to live alone and make mistakes, the rate of incompetent marriages will reduce and the act of cheating by women spouses will slow down 
But what do I know???

Be sure to check out contents on our sister blog


Lagos Public Holiday on the radar...and the grand finale of The player of the year will be posted on wednesday night

Friday, 7 June 2013

Click here to view the face of a cheat

Laughing out loud, laughing out really loud.

What were you expecting to see?

The face of ...

Now get a mirror... I am hoping that your face will reflect back at you. You have cheated once in your life!

No? You say No?

Okay then, let me walk you down the road into times past when you did.

-Remember that time you cheated the system and paid a bit less to get your drivers license done?

-Remember that time you wrote the class test for your friend in Secondary School?

-Remember that time when you made a list of books and provisions for secondary school and inflated the prices or the number?

-Remember when you forged signatures for your NYSC clearance letter?

-Remember that time when you cheated during exams. You stretched your neck like a giraffe and copied your neighbours paper?

-Remember when you smuggled answer sheets into examination halls?

-Remember when you boarded that train without buying a ticket?

-Remember when you arrived at the airport late to board a plane and there was a long queue so you made up stories to have the airline officials personally escort you to the counter and help you board way out of line?

-Remember when you left home late because you wanted to sleep in but lied to your employer that you had to visit the hospital?

-Remember when you travelled on vacation but said your dad was terminally ill in the village?

-Remember when you lied to your boyfriend/spouse that you were in school but you were in another man's arms?

-Remember when you lied to your girlfriend/spouse that you were working late in the office but you were on a date with another woman?

Oh well, you will agree that you have cheated once in your life.

Now, Go and cheat no more!

Have a fab weekend everyone!

Be sure to check out our sister blog


Thursday, 6 June 2013

Today, I question my fear...

Today, I question the fear that I have lived by for the past year.
I question the fear for my life: I cannot die young, I will live. It is settled. Now be gone fear!
I question if I will get hurt. I will get hurt, it is part of the process of life: But I shall not stay hurt. I will rise above.
I question if my life will have meaning: It will. I am on the road to greatness
I question if there is a purpose or a plan or if it all happens by chance: I am special. Special has purpose.

I question if it will turn out well for all the ones I love: It will. Failure is not an option.
I question if I will bring joy to those that raised me: I will. It's in my DNA.
I question the fear of whether I will live life to the fullest. I will. I will enjoy every bit of it.
I question if my health will fail. It will not. Now I walk healthy
I question if my offspring will be glad I bore them. They will. I am amazing.
I have learned how to keep it all together. Everything I do. It is for love alone. Nothing else matters.
Today, question your fears. Live for love alone.
Be sure to check out our sister blog:
Question your fears!

Wednesday, 5 June 2013

The poisonous tongue

I will never understand people who go around the workplace spreading half stories or outright lies so that it appears to 'management' that they are doing their jobs. They are like snakes in the grass, snaking in every corner pretending that they are friends and then going behind to tell stories (sometimes they believe are true)
Their tongues slippery like a snake bathed in oil move from camp to camp, office to office spreading stories modified by their slippery tongue all for attention and appearance.
Their tongues wage war against the truth, against hope, against personal pains, against personalities. They carry the shoulders high confident that they have spread the word around enough that no one can question the string of sentences with loopholes
They create false perceptions, sow the seed of person-under-attack-incompetence. They use the unhappy foundation of their lives to guide their expressions of people's weaknesses.
Gossip is their mane, Mis-communication is the air they breathe.
They glide, they soar, happy that everyone has bought into the lies and half-truths they have woven into a parsley coverlet.
But I smile.
If only they could and hear what other people have to say about them. They forget that they have committed sins in the past and that it is remembered daily like a fragrance by the people who they have offended.

They have secret sins that some know about which is a source of constant shame.
So we smile...we know those that are lying in wait like a cat waiting for them to make mistakes too, so that we may pounce on them.
War is war. And actions are not fair when it comes to war.

Tuesday, 4 June 2013

My life is over but...

I was a little girl jumping up in my daddy's arms.

I was a teenager, styled in my dungarees and platform hooker heels trying to be cool like the girl group of my times.

I was a late teenager in the university trying to be mature and cool at the same time that it hurt my mind.

I was the shy girl that LW asked out in my second year of the university. I was finally experiencing all the grown up feelings I had heard and read about.

I was the beautiful serious minded lady who never joked with her studies and her friends

I was the girl who then lost her way, became distracted by lots of irrelevant things

I was the girl who was so eager to start earning money that I began business as a student

I was the girl who did her NYSC and was not the least interested in serving her country

I was the girl who found a job, so excited and called friends who exchanged pay day rates.

I was the girl who after three years at the job felt unfulfilled

I was the girl who found the man of her dreams and got married.

I was the girl who after marriage wished I had remained single

I was the girl who had one, then two, now three kids.

I am the girl who wants to hide from all the responsibilities I am faced with. Would give anything to ride out on a jet with no worries.

I am the girl who celebrated her 40th birthday party in style.

My 50th was even grander, there was much more money and clout.

At my 60th, I held my husband, glad that I had found my soul mate in life

Now It is almost dusk

I wake up thankful for the life I have had, for the husband, for the children. But did I really do what I wanted for myself. Did I fulfil my own purpose???

Now I sleep...

You still have a chance baby girl.

****Please check out the latest on my style blog