Tuesday, 12 March 2013

You are not mine to throw away!

He pulled her with her weave and dragged her to the living room. He kicked her till she fell down in pain.

How could she have disobeyed his instruction not to dye her hair?

Did she not know she was mother to two children? Was her plan to get men chasing after her?. He asked.

He felt no remorse, only contentment. Yes. This is what men (his men) generations past had done to  erring women.

To him, his ideas of a woman was one who needed protection and one whose womb should be used to breed the next generation. After all, the bible she talked about so much called her kind 'the weaker sex'! His actions validated his beliefs.
This was one of the ways Dee routinely beat her.
It wasn't always this way.

Cece had fallen in love with this socially inept man, he had been shy, withdrawn and lacked self esteem. All she wanted to do was love on him and show him he was more that he thought. She knew he was a struggling man and she readied herself to endure with him till he 'made' it.
But marriage released a beast in this man she never knew existed. She endured every pain he threw at her convincing herself that every marriage went through problems, when in actual fact, he was destroying her self worth.
She couldn't pick up her phone when he was there. She couldn't laugh out of turn for fear of what he may do to her. She had to be careful what suggestions she gave regarding a matter so she didn't get a slap as trophy.
He womanized. He smoked.
He told her repeatedly that she was the worst thing that happened to him. She endured for the sake of her children.

She said it was like hell. As I sat and listened to her share, I realized that Cece had being a product of confused emotions at that time. She had loved a man who had no idea how to be a man.

Today, she has overcome. She fought the battle for her life and that of her husband. She rose above the hate she constantly felt, she prayed, she showed everyone especially God by nurturing the man he gave to her, back to him.

Today, he cannot do anything without her. He is ashamed of the wasted years. He wished he could take them away. But he swore that he would always put a smile on her face no matter what.

When I heard this, all I wanted to ask was why she endured so many years?

She replied 'I couldn't throw him away' Even if I made a mistake of marrying him, God honoured our marriage and he was mine. It was not my decision to give him up. God saw all he did to me. If he refused to change, I believed God would have done all that was necessary to take him away from me.

I marvelled at the wisdom of this woman. Rare. In a world when something's broke, you throw it away.

I don't know if I could have endured this. I do know that it would have required extra special grace.

As an aside, there is a silent competition going on. It is silent because only I know the parameters for judging. Look out for the winner on the 1st of May, 2013. (Then the parameters will be revealed|) hehe


  1. 419 geh...lol...i berra be d winner of d competition....urs truly

  2. It really does take the grace to endure in such a marriage, to anyone out there going through the same experience let me introduce you to a support group called "my CIELO ".

  3. I guess i am going to be the dissenting voice here. This fairy tale ending is one in a million. Most domestic abusers never stop. Is the morale of this story that a woman should endure physical and emotional abuse in the hope that one day he will "change" if she keeps praying. I am a firm believer in that you cant change people. Not saying that every marriage involved in domestic violence isn't redeemable, BUT let us not kid ourself and stay waiting for him to change. I would recommend moving out with your kids if faced with similar circumstances. It is not "throwing" away. I see it more as putting aside until he gets his shit together. You are special. Do not allow any man treat you like a dog in the name of husband. I am sure the deceased banker stabbed by an abusive husband and a host of other abused women would agree.

  4. I know right cheekychubby,It is a hard road to walk. You love the man, you have children, you weigh many things. But some people have the faith, some don't. It is what it is.

    But anyone in an abusive relationship should seek help. Truth is you cannot handle it yourself.