Monday, 23 December 2013

Chase away the nightmares of your heart!

First, I noticed her by the dressing room in the store at the mall. She stood, back straight, her eyes pleading to her husband if she could remove the dress she had tried on for him. In a room, full with over 50 people, he kept commanding, turn left, turn right, turn back...

I observed the situation and noted that the woman looked very very uncomfortable and sad. I walked on to the shoe section...we all have our pain.

 I joined the queue minding my business, looking hot like fire. It is what I do. It is who I am.

It was not very long when I turned around and noticed 'the husband' on the phone, gold wedding band glistening, sunshades arched over his forehead, loud 'recognize me' voice booming at the pay counter and the wife standing behind him.

He got off the phone and boomed out 'did you give me the 3000 naira?' she scurried to his side and declared in a shaky voice that she did. I felt physical pain.

She looked like a woman who had suffered emotional and physical abuse? What should I have done? What does one do?

***That woman is a reflection of the nightmares many people carry. By Daylight, you see them in traffic, all dolled up, tears running down their chicks. Afraid to cry in front of you and I for fear of gossip or fear of ridicule.

The men force themselves to go to the office and function like robots,

But the nightmares are there, re-occurring, but you stay there hoping it will sort itself out.

But it hasn't. Days have passed. Weeks. Months. Years. Decades...and you still hope.

Today, wake up the beast in you and chase away that nightmare of your heart. While you are at it, chase away the person(s) who cause(s) it

No, you won't end up lonely. No, you do not have to please everybody. Yes, you can be happy, Yes, you will be fine.

But like I say it is thru my eyes, you don't have to agree.

Monday, 9 December 2013

We sleep in graves to stay alive!

On Saturday, I woke up pretty early to run some errands.

I decided however, to stop at the car wash to give my car a good deserved wash.
As I stood there, looking all fine and eating my chin-chin from Lagos Island, I got approached by all sorts of characters.  A drunk who insisted on sharing my isale-eko snack, a buffoon who thought speaking through his nose equates speaking 'phonetics'. Like I said, different characters.
However, I was approached by this two men who started of by asking how the fuel consumption of my vehicle was.
I thought 'eeeerrrh' move along please...
Somehow, they mentioned they were in the army and that got my immediate attention. I then proceeded to tell them about how I hated them and their sister defence organization-the police. I daresay, they got an earful.
Then they started narrating their own stories which stopped me in my tracks.
The both talked about how many of their colleagues had died because they were posted to areas like Maiduguri, Yobe etc. Men with young children, men whose children would grown up without a father. For the love of Nigeria.
They told me how sometimes, they hid in the bush for months, without the basic amenities of life No water, no food, no telephone calls, no sort of communication. Sometimes they said, they slept in graves for days just to avoid detection. They believed we are fighting a guerrilla war against a faceless people.
They said they would chase a Boko Haram suspect and the suspect would run into a home and the owners of the home, would hide the suspect.
They believed the Boko Haram facet is been sponsored internationally with some northern leaders serving as middle men.
As I heard all of their stories, I realised that many of us do not have a clue what is really going on in our country. When Boko Haram kills now, we don't even flinch, it becomes news till Iyanya releases a new single. Our leaders are so busy getting ready for re-election and stealing the country blind that our nation's security has become porous.
When will this all end? The security men are tired. No one is looking out for them. If the line of defence is weak, what hope is there for you and I?
We need to kill the beast NOW!

Friday, 8 November 2013

As we near the grave...

Lately, I have been so busy with many things especially projects (Work & Personal). I try to do things excellently but being a wife, an adult, a sister, a daughter and a colleague is so difficult. And me is trying to do all it can to stay sane.

But as I drove the other day with the calm of the universe in my heart, I asked myself what was becoming more important to me.

I was becoming short-tempered, increasingly irritated, I was giving my ALL to projects and not enough to God. My mind is always busy with some idea or the other and when I get in front of the computer ( I am lost)

But today, I count the cost.

What am I doing with my time. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't party but it appears that most of what I do does not have anything to do with populating the Kingdom of God nor making sure my perceived simple bad habits like 'anger, occasional gossip etc' does not stop me from making heaven.

As I think about this, it also occurs to me that I am xxx old. I realise each new day takes me closer to the grave, a day when I will leave this world. And I am confronted with what little impact I have made in the lives of people, and more importantly, on my last day on earth, will I be able to sing,
     'I was Here, I lived, I loved, I left this world a little better just because I was here'
Perhaps if our hungry, money-grabbing politicians took a moment and digested the fact that they are nearer their graves than yesterday, Nigeria may yet progress.
You...what are you doing as you near the grave?
ilsa aida

Friday, 25 October 2013

Na woman!

There is nothing more annoying than the Nigerian phrase 'Na Woman'

You drive gently because you do not want to want to scratch your vehicle and the crazy motorist with limited understanding of your driving choice  shouts from his 'conceited' vehicle  angle 'na woman'

When it is said to me, I want to get down and 'bitch-slap' some sense into the male speaker He probably does not understand that his remark is irritating and derogatory at the very least.

But you would assume that this phrase is used only by motorists but no no nope., Our so called men who think that women are a denominator to their superior complex have no qualms with using the phrase.

So here is what I say to you

a. When you see me on the road either gliding or racing, stay away from me and make sure you do not attempt to use that phrase.

b. If I start crying for absolutely no reason and your intelligence cannot explain the 'why' refrain from saying 'na woman'. Moisture or rain drops may fill your own eyes by the time I am done with you.

Oh well, what can I say, it is just through my eyes. You do not have to agree.

Yeah. Ok. Bye


Friday, 18 October 2013

Is it true ALL men cheat?

I entered into a store last night to buy something real quick and get out. (Yea, I think I have mentioned the fact that shopping sometimes gets me into trouble)
I wanted to buy this leather skater skirt I had been dreaming of for a month and was very happy to see they still had the product and in my size too. (Woohoo)
After buying, I decided to look around and see what else they had and if I could get another bargain or wait till they were on sales...suddenly I heard one lady complaining to her friend. She said 'How can he say I am fat? He says his wife looks hotter than me right now? A woman who has had three children?'
I was intrigued by the statement and angled my ears to 'ameborize' properly. This was not until I asked and analysed if this woman was speaking as a mistress to a married man?
My thoughts turned out to be the situation.
The friend told her that men say those things if they don't want to spend money or why else will he be comparing you to his wife?
eheeenhenn. Interesting.
Friend went on...'my dear buy this denim jacket that looks like what Rihanna wore on Instagram and shock him back to his senses. Wife ko, Wife ni. The man don craze'.
'Don't say that' the chic on the side cautioned.
And as if on cue, the 'dude aka married man aka man with wife and three children' calls in. Chic on the side aka mistress changes from her wafi-like voice to her Fone voice. She told him she was out shopping to shock him back to his senses and that she had not put on weight because her measurement had not changed.
They carried on a conversation and I left.
I rolled over this conversation over and over in my head and wondered what the wife would have felt if she had overheard what plans the side chic had with the husband.
I was so upset in my heart that I spoke to a friend who told me that some women (wives) have accepted that ALL men cheat. Their acceptance serves as some sort of coping mechanism. As long as they do not know. It is okay.
I have had friends tell me that ALL men cheat and so the best thing is to have children quickly and make them your world
I soooooooo do not agree.
When a spouse cheats (man or woman), you betray the heart of a loved one. You tell them they are not good enough. You mess with their minds. You mess with their self esteem.
While I understand that people get attracted to other people from time to time, the trick is never to ACT on it.

And to the ladies/men who the spouses cheat with...Nothing goes for nothing. Everyone will reap what they sow. Even if you become born-again.

But enough of my thoughts. Tell me what you think!

It is just through my eyes, you do not have to agree.

   If she said this truly, she is worse than a hypocrite

Wednesday, 18 September 2013

September Headache & THE GHETTO

In normal circumstances, when a child is born, parents and well wishers congregate to rejoice over the birth of the child.

The child represents Hope for the future.

So when September comes,  this hope for the future needs to get paid. Yes, I mean school fees.

Most people want their kids to attend really good schools that cost an arm, leg and also leave huge dollar stains on them. This is through no fault of the parents, but the Entrepreneurs who recognised failure of the public school education and  have perfected some art of providing ''good'' education for a fee.

Elsewhere, a group of children are not paid in September.

Some of them reside in a settlement called 'THE GHETTO'

Oh No, it is not located in Ajegunle but right behind all the beautiful, big bold houses on the City of David Road in the Victoria Island Extension, Oniru.

In this settlement, rolls of marijuana are sold on trays like the common 'Tom Tom' sweets.

Kids are encouraged to smoke them from the ages of 9 years old. They weed so much that they do not recognize or understand what month of the year it is, much less if they were to be paid school fees.

Most of them though, are remnants from the Kuramo Beach, some others are runaways from Ibadan etc. They have no parents, no guardians. No one to call them to order.

Some of them want to go to school or learn a trade but they are constantly tempted with cigarettes, weed, sex, rape.

Homes are made of Bamboo wood and thick nylons. When they sleep, the wind is their cover. They have no real home to protect them from the elements

I am not a parent, at least not yet.

But I reckon, that you and I can focus on 'THE GHETTO' and get children to school and homes.

Let us layer the September headache with some goodwill and give another child the opportunity to live.

That life will only breed future armed robbers who will steal from you and I to support their bad habits.

So if you don't feel like doing it for charity sake, do it for the future of the children that give you the September headache.

If you do not have the time to personally do this, Invest in NGO's like Destiny Trust (who I personally know have relocated about 20 children to a home in Awoyaya and put them in schools), Slum2School project etc. You can use Google to find out more.

Let our future generation live with less violence, darkness.

Perhaps, a better Nigeria may be born with our actions.

Let us focus on 'THE GHETTO'

***Warning: If you wish to go to 'THE GHETTO', dress down. Or if you want to go, please go with a number of people. And when approached by anyone, please do not display Fear.

Wednesday, 11 September 2013

I just discovered Facebook...I am real busy.

I lay out my clothes for the fashion shoot I need to do today (I hope I metioned that I am also the photographer)
My white blouse and black skirt and red 'agbalumo' look alike accessory shall be the first outfit that I shall rotate in, in an effort to take pictures of myself.
Did you see that picture, I have gotten 5 likes from those boys even the ones that don't really know me.
What did I tell you?
I am hot.
Now to the second one, where is that sunglasses I bought in 'Go Slow' ehn? That orange 'glass will go with the white trouser and orange top from 'Atmosphere'. Yes O. Wan gba.
Bisi, where are you now, where is my silver lipstick and chocolate liner, abi, you want to spoil my colour 'combinason' in my photoshoot?
O ya je ki ori e pe. Mscheeeew.
Oya, angle turn, pomo lips in 'pout' style. Gegen, mo so, this is how I do.
That is it, my second picture, I have 7 likes.
Yes, I am officially a babe.
Mscheew, daddy has come home, I shall continue tomorrow, Facebook and I forever..
And this is how the picture taker who just discovered Facebook is seen through my eyes.
And those of y'all who think you are ''tush'' and are laughing, remember you do the same s**t on Instagram.
Gros Bisous

Friday, 6 September 2013

Local Governments- The Inefficiency Machine.

If you did not know, we do have Local Governments in Nigeria. In fact there are over 700 of them spaced out around our great nation.
But I really would like to know what they are doing?
Local Governments are by Legislation, the third tier of the Federal/Administrative Structure of Nigeria. It means in simple language that they are the government closest to the people. They are the government we should know and be able to relate with. In Nigeria, the men at the helm are called Local Government Chairmen and in other countries say America, they are known as 'Mayors'
From the foregoing, I suppose it would fair to expect that citizens in any local government areas know their 'Mayor' and can access him easier than a State Governor.
But Nope, that is not the case.
I have lived in a particular part of Lagos for the last 15years, I do not know what Local Government my residence falls under, much less know the name of the chairman or the building that house him and his 'cronies'
So I asked around and took some time to investigate the duties of a Local government. So yea, read please
Local Governments are to
a. Provide Economic recommendations to the State;
b. Collect  taxes and fees;
c. Establish and maintain cemeteries, burial grounds and homes for the destitute or sick;
d. License bicycles, trucks (other than mechanically propelled trucks), canoes, wheel barrows and carts;
e. Establish, maintain and regulate markets, motor parks and public conveniences;
f. Construct and maintain roads, streets, drains and other public highways, parks, and open spaces;
g. Name roads and streets and number houses;
h. Provide and maintain public transportation and refuse disposal;
I.  Registration of births, deaths and marriages;
j.  Assess privately owned houses or tenements for the purpose of levying such rates as may be prescribed by the House of Assembly of a State; and,
k. Control and regulate of out-door advertising, movement and keeping of pets of all descriptions, shops and kiosks, restaurants and other places for sale of food to the public, and laundries.
Which of the foregoing does your local government do for you?
Oh I know!
Anything that stipulates collection of Taxes, Fees! Anything and everything that can bring income is executed perfectly by our Local Governments.
But  paragraphs C & F are usually left to the State Government to fix. I have never heard (and I stand to be corrected) of any local government that has paid for construction of roads, I can name 3 roads in the area that I stay in that have been bad since I was old enough to pay attention: Oke-Ira Road, Akins Road, and the current Ajah bus stop which is a huge mess). And I suppose if they did do roads, they would do the roads of people who are loyal to the political parties they represent.
I see the boys (high on weed & its like substances) every morning running after public transportation vehicles, charging obscene amounts from drivers trying to make a decent living.
I have not seen an Orphanage run by the Local Government where I reside, instead I have seen them try to tax the orphanages privately run.
It would be normal for one to expect that we conduct town hall meetings to discuss burning Area issues. But I guess the Local Government is kin to the Federal Government, so service to the people is forbidden.
Instead I have heard of Local Government chairmen who own homes in the United states paid for upfront.
And while I have heard that Local Governments face issues of Local Government Autonomy and amount of resources that they actually get, I do not believe that it is sufficient justification for non-performance.
Today, I charge you to ask about your local government, let us start from the bottom, perhaps we might spark change like Lucas says.
It is just through my eyes.
*****Further Information on Local Governments****
Each Local Government Areas is further subdivided into wards with a minimum of ten and a maximum of fifteen.

Thursday, 29 August 2013

I am a cake Snob, get it right before you parade it as a business!

Lately, I find that I am a Cake snob.
I can't eat some types of cakes made by some people. It looks scary like a mix of flour, colouring, groundnut oil, smoke and stupidity.
I think if you want to make cake the focal point of your business, perhaps you should sit down and study rather than push out substandard products for my taste buds.
If you are going to make sponge cakes, please please, do it over and over again in your closet till you get it right or you can feed your immediate family with the outcome of your experiments. But till then, do not parade yourself as a cake maker.
The same goes for people who decorate cakes. I am begging you in the name of everything dear, broaden your horizon. I don't want to send you a design of a cake I want, only to have you do something drummed up from the recesses of your dark twisted mind. (Did you not see the picture or may I send you Magnifying glasses in ratio 1000 for you to see clearly?)
I am going to stop before I mention the name(s) of people who inspired this post.
Yeah Ok Bye.

Popular paupers.

They are everywhere.

They are famous as a result of the job they do. You know some of them as fashion designers, some of them as entrepreneurs, some others as Disc Jockeys, some others are Radio & TV Personalities.

They work hard at their jobs but the remuneration is usually way less than their popularity.

They try so hard to buy expensive phones, buy vehicles on credit. They try to live up to the expectations that you and I create for them. They work really hard on their jobs but they do not get money that equates their popularity.

They attend all the parties, wear the right clothes, photograph with the right people. They keep hoping that they will meet the connections that will change their financial status in the not so distant future

When you see them, you hurry to take pictures with them. There is absolutely no way you could have guessed that the value of the pictures is the coins in which they are paid for their popularity.The act and the pictures is the currency in which they are paid for their popularity.

These popular paupers work as hard (sometimes even harder) than those with the regular jobs. Most people think they are committed fun seekers because their names are not attached to a prefix like Doctor, Barrister. I disagree, they have jobs, more importantly, bills to pay.

So on behalf of the popular paupers, I say stop paying with coins and pay enough for us to pay our bills.
Gros Bisous.

Tuesday, 20 August 2013

And Bimbo Alli got married...

I met this socially awkward girl when I first wrote the entrance examination into the private university I attended.
She acted like she knew everything and I was a bit bothered. I mean,  I act that way, I don't need a twin in that aspect. Craziness was bound to happen in the midst of two 'I to Know'
Anyhoo, I discovered this socially awkward girl was someone like me, multi talented and could do anything with her hands. We started the decoration business together, we snuck out of school to go to 'Simbabe' in Surulere to purchase balloons, flowers and any expensive and beautiful ornament to increase our popularity as the wonder women of the school.
Bimbo loved and still loves God and even though her mouth spew out caustic remarks at intervals, I realised early that she was a lifetime friend. (Some friends are for seasons)
When craziness creeped into my life, I realised that Bimbo was a loyal friend. It was so easy to spot her loyalty out of the circle of friends I soon realised gossiped about me and spent so much time waiting to see what would happen. Bimbo told me straight. She did not speak behind my back, she said what she thought and even though sometimes they were unkind, I was grateful to her.
We left school and went our separate ways. I started working in my current establishment and I remember Bimbo left her office to bring me birthday gifts of Ankara on a rainy day. She is that kind of friend.
Seeing her in the last 2 weeks, I observed that this lady had become a phenomenal woman, she had added sewing to the huge list of handmade talents, baking, beads making etc. I am thoroughly proud of her.
She leaves soon to another part of the world to start the journey with a man (whom I daresay is terribly cute). I miss her already. I miss her friendship.
Sweetheart...the best is yet to come for you. I know God will reward every loyalty, every kindness, every love you have shown me.
I love you to bits hun. I am confident that you will make it through.
love always
ilsa aida

Inside you are a wasteland

I see you.
Your Cartier bag, your Rolex does not fool me.
You smile with perfection adorned by your perfect set of white teeth, your manners are...(let us just say that the Queen of England would envy your manners)
Sometimes you are considered intelligent, some other times, you and I both know that you have no clue what side of the spectrum you belong.
You 'try' to radiate hope, positivity and love but we that can see how that it is a mirage.
Your heart is cold, your heart is deep and evil, your heart wishes it could purge itself of all the darkness in there.
You know your heart is deceitful, cunning and opportunistic. What you really want is to hurt and use anyone who has the misfortune of knowing you.
You know that your beautiful or handsome face, your special class designer labels cannot cover the fact that inside you are a wasteland.
Gros Bisous my darlings!

Friday, 2 August 2013

Side chicks be like 'Tomorrow Tommorrow'

After the call, she drops the phone and sighs Tunde is unavailable tonight!
 He is with that wife of his Amanda. He seems to be spending a lot of time with her lately but let's face it he cannot resist me or my curves. It is just how it is.
I hear so many people make noise about how evil I am because I am dating a married man. But come on, I know my place, I am just a side chic with plenty to offer this man who cannot stay focused on his wife.
I don't need him to marry me, I just want to help out in ways only I can help (if you know what I mean)
I hear Amanda has heard about me. But even she understands that she alone cannot handle the hunk called Tunde, he is man through and through.
Yesterday, my friend asked if I was not worried my own husband will cheat on me since I was doing the same with another woman's husband?
Truthfully, I haven't thought that far, besides, ALL men cheat. ALL men are dogs. If my future husbands gets a side chic, I hope she will be someone as classy as me.
I am the one he hangs out with out bars & clubs because his prude of a wife thinks she is too holy. I bring out that side of him that he loves so much. Which is why he and I have been going on strong for four (4) years.
It is eternity in the Side Chic years, perhaps I should refer to myself as a mistress now. Oh well!
Anyhow, I am off to bed now, Tunde has never been away from me for more than 2days. So tomorrow tomorrow, he will be here!
Side Chic out!

Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Someone said 'Not a good article or person'. Do you agree?

Brief History

A while back, I posted an article on 'What about the short men?' Ateyelevel tumblr account reposted some part of the article and posted the link to my blogsite for readers to read the rest. It appears that one of those readers did not find what I posted funny nor did he find what I posted on Am I gay Lover? ''

So read what this lovely person had to say


You posted this link  awhile back, and just no. 
While other men get increasingly confused/burdened by the ways of a woman, the short man has nearly mastered the art of getting a woman in a controlled state.
Do you not see the blatant misogyny in this at all? Yes, the author is a woman, that doesn’t change the fact that the whole “women need to be controlled" trope is misogynist.
Short men were the boys who were small in school and bullied by bigger boys. Some became bitter and hateful. Some others assessed the situation, noted their perceived disadvantages and did something about it.
They learnt the art of sweet speaking & complimenting (something no woman however hard is immune to), egoistic (where the need arose), pressuring when ignored. They obtained additional lessons from books, male gist, the roving Internet and women whose opinion they revered.
This is so goddamn heteronormative it hurts, just to begin with. Not like that should be surprising, considering the author is blatantly homophobic, albeit under the air of “oh I don’t hate them, I just think what they do is wrong and they’re on the wrong path and ‘choosing’ to be gay even though God says they should be straight". Vomit.

It’s fine if you personally want to shill the whole narrative of “I was bullied for being short and so found ways to ‘make up for it’" but neither you nor the author of this piece should be painting all the “good" short men with the same brush. I thought the whole point of anti-heightism was to simply bring equality, to show that it’s not better to be tall than short and short people are just people and deserve respect. What if you were a bullied short man (or male-perceived person) and you didn’t do all that stuff, while not bitter or hateful you were shy* and didn’t want to be a part of “male gist" (whatever the hell that is)? Are you suddenly “not making an effort" whereas someone of a taller stature would just be being themselves?

(*And not the passive-aggressive NiceGuyTM “shy", in case that needed to be stated. Looking at any d-bags who use terms like “friendzone" and “girls just like bad boys/alphas.)

You need to be careful who you link to and really think about the content of posts. Heightism affects me, and I don’t want it to get dismissed because people can take a look at blogs like yours and come away with the impression that it’s mainly a bunch of straight dudes whining about not getting dates and acting like it’s the last frontier of discrimination (major hint: it’s not). Especially this whole “but would they dare say such blatant things about women/PoC/gay people in this day and age?" thing.

 The answer is yes, yes they would. And there are also more subtle ways of discrimination which I would hope that you could also appreciate. If someone doesn’t actually say “I don’t respect short people" but then goes on to ignore a short person’s contributions, laugh at them when they try to take charge, make “awww so cute, no, I respect you, really" comments, don’t you think that’s just as bad if not worse than a singular “urgh short people are so annoying" comment? At least with the latter you can actually directly address what they’re saying.

Anyway point is I like to keep an eye on both yours and The Social Complex’s blog to make sure that you’re not stuffing up on other axes of discrimination, and I just felt that this really needed to be said. I don’t think you’re doing too bad (and TSC is doing quite well for the most part) but after reading that link I wanted to go over some stuff that doesn’t seem to get too much airtime (posttime? tumblrtime?) over here. I’ll also be submitting a copy of this to TSC, just so they see it about the same time as you.

The deviant half

I find that I am constantly warring with the deviant half of myself.

The half that wants to bitch-slap that lady who is cussing in my face. The half that wants to just stay at home and do NOTHING!

I find that my deviant half is ready to give every lippy individual who directs the products of their lips into my direction, a dirty stare followed with some sharp retort where necessary.

My deviant half wants to drink Coca-Cola and pray there is no consequence of extended hips.

My deviant half wants to lay back, think about everyone who has hurt me from Primary school and plan an orchestrated revenge on each and every one of them.

My deviant half wants to go for a half year vacation and still get paid at the office.

Stop rolling your eyes at my deviant half.

I see your deviant half.  I see you struggling with sleeping with married men for a fee. I see your deviant half accepting that all you are good for is a lay around.

Your deviant half terrifies you. You spend so much money on alcohol trying to impress friends that do not give a hoot about you or your content. You refuse to grow balls to conquer your deviant half.

I see how your deviant half makes you do stupid things. That girl you thought you could have a fling with while your wife was at home has now reported you to the SFU (Special Fraud Unit) and now you have been dragged to court over some business you did with her.

The deviant half struggles for domination. It wars with the good, the better part of ourselves.

I promise you, the deviant half can be controlled. It can be stayed.

I know. I am in the process of controlling mine.

Control your deviant half before it wrecks you.

Thursday, 18 July 2013

The Culture of expectation-Nigeria's new creed

When you are about to exit an eatery, a supermarket, anyone who is observant will notice that the security men greet you expectantly and in cases when the individual is bold, they out rightly ask you for money for 'the weekend' 'as per I be your boy' etc.
It is the way of the new Nigeria.
Somehow, the culture of expectation has crept into our National Creed. It is a stamp of the new Nigerian Individual.
At the Ministries, this culture is a full business enterprise. You either play to it or you get out! Brilliant Ideas, Outstanding business modules have been lost in the sea of people who refused to play to the culture of expectation. 
Enter: Scene: when kids go to visit uncles, aunties & relatives, they hang around on the way out hoping for some money to drop from this older person (whether he has it or not)
When your vehicle sinks in the sea of sand or a literal sea outside your terrible-road, passersby stop to help push out. Vehicle is pushed out.
Not so fast ma'am, how far?
You are shocked so you reach into your purse and bring out 500 Naira and they tell you it is insufficient the 3 of them. They say, their 'push' cost 2000 Naira.
Yes, like I said, the culture of expectation!
You get into the bus with a younger person and they expect you to pay for the fare after all it is our way, the Nigerian way.
You travel out of the country for a much needed vacation. You barely scrapped enough to pay for a hotel but everybody at the office, the family, friends expect you to buy something for them. Too much pressure. Vacation causing headaches. It is probably better to sneak in and out without telling anyone (that breeds the Nigerian over-secretive attitude)
Is this culture causing more harm than good?
Let us review.
ilsa aida

Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you, I promise.

So I love to read, beautiful, scary, wonderful, gossip(covering my eyes, E is making a killing from it now, so I can do as I like) etc. I also love music and how it makes me feel.
Mountain of Fire & Miracles, Rap music, Grandparents, Village uncles, not-so-rap music have most people believing that they have haters. Haters who are trying to bring them down, haters who are trying to wreck havoc on their image, haters, haters haters everywhere.
Now what I really find interesting is the people who have attained mid-life goals who post on Facebook that all my haters take this and take that. They spend so much time speaking on haters rather than getting a job, or thinking smart. They ascribe their recent stunted growth to the work of haters.
Sometimes I wonder what there is to hate. People may sometimes admire but trust me all the hating is in your head.
You may say writing this piece means I am hating but shouldn't you pause and ask
1. Why am I so engrossed with haters?
2. Is it possible I am one, after all, they say what goes around comes around
My little piece of advice though is Honey, your haters are imaginary. No one wants to be you, I promise.

Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Are you Lagos strong?

Can you shout NEPA when electrical power goes out?
Can you jump on a moving public bus so you can get to work on time?
When your care tyres are spent and touching the money in your account will mean suicide, do you know the 'koro' where the sell used tyres?
Can you spend more than half of your salary on a party (birthdays, baby dedications etc) to impress colleagues, friends and enemies?
Do you know three (3) alternative routes to your home?
Have you figured out what you will do when you are attacked by Armed robbers, kidnappers etc?
Have you you figured out the different health centres you will visit when you have
a. minor issues (Pharmacy)
b. semi major issues (HMO'd hospitals)
c. definitely major issues (Specialized hospital
 Do you have a relative you will dump your kids with, when you need to party or run from their incessant crying?
Can you withstand the constant cheating by your so-called vehicle mechanics when you take your vehicles to them?
Can you endure at least 3 hours of traffic everyday to and fro work?
Can you afford to buy nice things at twice the price because of ticket cost etc?
Can you afford to pay for everything including water, soil. The only thing that is free is AIR.
Can you afford the aso-ebi that may cost an arm and a leg for your friends and family. It is the accepted way of showing support.
Are you sure you are Lagos strong?

Friday, 28 June 2013

ilsa aida's love

I laid down on my favourite sofa chair about a week ago, convinced that I did not have much to be grateful for. I mean I didn't have this and that, I was not yet doing this and that, somethings I had worked on were yet to crystallize and so on and so on.
Then I reflected on 2012.
I realised I could only be lying down on that sofa chair as a result of God's goodness. The fires have burned, the storms have raged, my soul was almost lost, but somehow Jesus who I trust and love brought me through stronger.
So today, as I add another year, I want to thank you for loving me, I want to thank him for surrounding me with love at every turn. He has never left me comfortless, he has granted me favour. What people have called luck in my life, I am certain was God's grace.

And to the wonderful people who read my blog, how u doing??? Birthdays are a big deal with me and my family. Do y'all have the same birthday fever like I do?
I love you all very much. Keep reading, so much more to come.

Thursday, 27 June 2013

'My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you are sweeter than my solitude'

 I sit crossed legged at the end of the Conference table and speak to every man who wants to date/marry me.
You see, I am not really interested in whether you are wealthy or pay your bills or are responsible etc(though that would not be bad). I just want to know real quick what you can do for me.
Here is the thing, I work hard, I pay my own bills, I drive a very (did I mention super nice) nice car? I take vacations to places I wanna go, I am loved and respected in my work establishment, when I feel the need to mother anyone, I babysit my nieces and nephews, I super duper love my parents and oh I am able to buy shoes, clothes (Major designers or otherwise). I would say I am pretty comfortable.
But most important of all my blessings is that I am happy, I am fulfilled, I don't feel like I am missing anything. Nights are beautiful, I sit on my grey sofa chair and catch up on my TV shows with a glass of wine, I sing so loud in my room when I feel the need. I am truly happy especially when I see my girlfriends and hear about their marriages.
Many times I use the words of Destiny's Childs' 'Girl' -
      'I can see you've been crying and you need somebody to talk to
       I can see he is been lying and pretending that he is faithful and he loves you
       You don't have to be hiding, don't be ashamed he hurt you
        I am your girl
as direction for how to speak and counsel my girlfriends who are having a rough time in marriage. While I console, I just think what joy and peace I have in my solitude.
It is a myth that most girls want to get married. Naaaa, there is the new breed and we hate drama. We hate the nagging, the clinging, the upsetness that men cause. We just want us some peace.
So men, what do you have to say? 
My alone feels really really really good, are you going to be sweeter than my solitude?
***Let us hear what the men have to say about this***

It is just through my eyes darlings. Have a good evening!

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

What about the short men?

If two ladies were introduced to two men, one short and the other tall, chances are that both ladies will be immediately attracted to the tall man. Somehow, the world has indoctrinated into our hearts that the tall men are the handsome, good looking and possibly intelligent men.
Please add this pre-conceived notion to biceped shaped body and we have a WOW guy and moment when introduced to a lady for the first time.
Now, Biko, what about the short men?
I have seen ladies give up relationships with men for the singular reason that he was short. Short men were the boys who were small in school and bullied by bigger boys. Some became bitter and hateful. Some others assessed the situation, noted their perceived disadvantages and did something about it.
They learnt the art of sweet speaking & complimenting (something no woman however hard is immune to), egoistic (where the need arose), pressuring when ignored. They obtained additional lessons from books, male gist, the roving Internet and women whose opinion they revered.
So this new breed of men-the short men have a lot more stease than your perceived regular or tall men. While other men get increasingly confused/burdened by the ways of a woman, the short man has nearly mastered the art of getting a woman in a controlled state.
Ladies, you have heard my premise, would it be safe to say then that we all have a greater chance of love with short men? Do you suppose that they might be more sensitive to us, more in tune with our demands and more importantly love us beyond reason?
Shortness is not a disease, perhaps it may be the secret ingredient to a happy life if paired with a short man. But hey, what do I know, it is just through my eyes and my somewhat futile attempt to psychoanalyse.
Please go ahead and drop your comments.

Monday, 24 June 2013

The confessions of a drama queen

I am most definately a drama queen.

I love attention. And even though most people consider me patient and well regulated, truth is I cannot pass a moment to be a woman with drama.

I nag (please don't tell my husband, I will deny confessing to that) when things don't go the way I want it to. I cry at the slightest hurt, I plan revenge in my heart when some one hurts me (only to be chastised by God during my quiet time), I love to the extremes (I guess that is why I expect people to love me by showering gifts in the extremes)
I say what is on my mind, I yell, I scream. I pray for my Range Sport. I am incoherent when I am crying. I want my man to know already what hurts me and stay by my side till I feel safe enough to open up.
 I am not a hater but I hate that b***h with the slim bud. *sigh* yet Coke/Pepsi is my best friend. Perhaps I should sue them for creating 'addiction'. No I cannot blame myself for the addiction. I blame Coca-cola.
I want to be a little girl again, to be looked after by my mum and dad. But I don't want to trade the pleasures I feel with my husband. Yea, like I said, drama queen.
I love people coming to visit me at home but sometimes really I just want to be left alone to sleep, fantasize and possibly watch the latest episode of 'True Blood'
I have loads and loads of shoes but truth is I wear just about 20% of them. Is that not crazy?
I am not very practical when I am emotional and this conflicts with the very dictates of my profession.

I love love but I won't admit in public, really don't want anyone thinking I am a girly girl.

So when people say I am a drama queen, I don't get upset, I accept it and I won't change it for the world. It is what makes me woman.

 Signed Drama Queen

So all y'all drama queens, narrate your drama queeness on here. The men that love them too, go on ahead and drop a line too.

Tommorrow, I am gonna be posting an article by Tunji Andrews. It is an article I have had to war with posting.  All of it here. Stay tuned.

Have a fruitful day.

Wednesday, 19 June 2013

The Nigerian Police; Public Force or Guns for Hire!

The Police!!!

I usually get enraged by this phrase. I have never seen an institution created to protect who cause a menace like the Nigerian Police Force.

First off, I think their name should be changed to 'Guns for hire'. They do not protect the citizens of the country. The only protect those who have money (obtained legally or illegally). Their slogan should read 'we are the police, we will protect you for a fee'

Corruption has eaten deep into the fabric of the police force. Corruption is their anthem

Common Brand Pointers of the Nigerian Police Force

1. They carry naked weapons and point them at commuters at will
2. Nigerians are very afraid of the police, consequently, they leverage on the fear and show you and I pepper.
3. The IGP's recruited never have a clue as to how to manage with the police force. Frankly they need to be re-instructioned
4. They work for the interest of the few; the government and their aides. Haven't you every wondered where the fee of numerous policemen who escort the important people come from? Well guess, they come from the tax you and I pay.
5. I have known a couple of policemen, some of them marry more than one wife and then they scream to anyone who can hear that they earn a meagre salary, who does that?
6. Funny thing, when an important foreign dignitary arrives the country and there is traffic, the 'Guns for Hire' bully every person and vehicle on the streets for passage of foreign dignitary vehicle. Can you imagine?
There is no police station you take a matter to, you will be expected to bribe the officials for one thing or the other. The police do not protect the citizens, they exploit them. They are usually at the beckon of the Commissioner of Police. The COP's friends are the ones who use policemen for varying activities
I don't know if there are any steadfast genuine Nigerian Policemen anymore, but one thing is for sure you and I have a better chance at protecting ourselves than the Nigerian Police Force.
Pleas go ahead and state any encounters you may have had with the Nigerian Police.

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Act your wage...

There is the increasing media hype in today's dynamic world that encourages men, women and children to appear more than they really are. Pastors in church chant 'Dress the way you want to be addressed', Adverts scream, Reality TV like 'Keeping Up with the Khardasians' make you want to use your credit cards and get outfits and shoes like Kim.K and her sisters have. When you spend time on Instagram and follow people like Uyanda Mbuli and many other Nigerian/African and International stars you want to order a pair of Louboutins/Valentinos/Manolo so you can take pictures and show the world that you have red soled shoes too. (Oh and I forgot to add, you earn a little less than a 1000 dollars a month).
How could I forget the hair we purchase at every turn for tens and hundreds of thousands? Human hair is good but when you buy that type about 5 or 10 times a year on a salary that competes with other life things like Housing, Food, Savings etc.
What does that say about you?
For the men, you want to step in Italian shoes, buy bespoke suits in dollars, wear hats that you cannot afford all because you want to be perceived in a particular fashion. You buy (oh I am sorry,mortgage) vehicles far above what you can afford, hang out at clubs and purchase drinks, one of which is the cost of fueling your car tank for a week,  (if i may ask, what exactly are you celebrating?) you take that lady you have been eyeing out to a restaurant you have never visited by yourself all in a bid to impress. You buy those watches from your friend ''the cloth merchant'' are above 200k in naira and pay 10 times all because you want the world to think you are it.
As if that is not enough, you borrow to take International holidays with your family (not because you need it) but because the world needs to understand that you take summer holidays like the rest of the world.
But the world is not fooled, we kinda calculate what you earn or ask around when we notice your extravagance is a tad to much. When we find out you do all that to belong, we spend a good amount of time laughing but an even greater amount of time feeling sorry for you.
Reason is because many of the people you are trying to copy do not actually buy their clothes or shoes. Many of those designers you wanna kill yourself for, send it to them for free. This is the situation with most entertainers, and stylediffusers(whose job is to model clothes and shoes sent to them by PR agencies, take photos and post them for you and I who will then be tricked by the constant eye rape to purchase what we really do not need)

Don't get me wrong, dressing well is important, appearing good is even better.

But in the words of my favourite Nigerian DJ, don't go broke trying to look rich...Act your wage.

It is definately through my don't have to agree.

Be sure to check out our sister blog

Friday, 14 June 2013

What is 'WHITE' about a wedding?

by Lucas Togan
…if we as a people refuse to do away completely with the borrowed culture of “white wedding” we should at the very least relegate it to Thursdays and promote the “real wedding”, our wedding, to Saturdays
Of the many generic things wrong with the sub-Saharan African the one irking me the most right now is the relegation of our tradition to the back burner and letting imported culture of the West take preeminence.
I was in Ado-Ekiti (The capital of Ekiti state in South West, Nigeria) penultimate weekend to witness the wedding ceremony of a close friend. He had earlier told me that he had cancelled the “white wedding” and that it was going to be only registry at the court and traditional ceremony. As expected, I had promptly asked if the lady was pregnant or whatever his reason was for cancelling the “white wedding”. As I would learn she was not knocked up. He just did not want it. PERIOD!
That set me to thinking: I am all for original, self-generated and self-involved actions. I am totally sold to people, ideas and actions that are unaffected by society, rules or norms.
I spent the entire week leading to the wedding wondering why Africans (especially those living on the continent) bother with “white wedding?” I cannot remember the last wedding I attended that I did not have to buy aso ebi. Aso ebi is a Nigerian thing, where people attending the same function (usually weddings, funerals, birthdays and the like) purchase a fabric and wear it to the function. It is usually worn by family and close friends. At weddings however, the people who wear English clothes usually include the couple, the members of the train and a few of the guests. I make bold to say 90% of the guests appear in one form of traditional attire or the other. This begs the question – what is “white” about a white wedding? Maybe the bridal gown.
Photo credit: The great wedding website information

What gnaws at me the most is not the practice in itself but the fact that our traditional wedding (the real wedding) which we understand very well is now termed “engagement” and the imported culture is called “wedding,”.
Back to my Ado-Ekiti experience. That Saturday because there was no church proceedings involved, the couple had the liberty to choose a 12pm commencement. This is obviously the same time most guests (who never attend the church for the blessings anyway) arrive to take plush seats at “white wedding” reception venues. It was a most memorable experience personally because it showcased the wealth of the Yoruba culture. Being a Saturday, most people made it to the venue. There was no expensive wedding dress to be returned for half the price (at best), instead there was an expensive lace combination that the bride can wear again to any august occasion. There was no culture war in the pictures. They picked an aso ebi that rhymed and complemented every part of the occasion. For the first time anyone in attendance who wasn’t dressed in traditional attire would have felt out of place.
What I picked from the trip is that– if we as a people refuse to do away completely with the borrowed culture of “white wedding” we should at the very least relegate it to Thursdays and promote the “real wedding”, our wedding, to Saturdays. I believe we can always make arrangement for the Man-of-God to bless our union at whatever venue we choose on Saturday (after all the good book says, “where two or more are gathered in my name there I am with them”) where we celebrate a truly African nuptial that showcases our heritage.
There are so many things we’ve borrowed from the west and benefited immensely from but this is not and should not be one of them.
SPARK! Let’s change it!–
“Everything has a price.”
Article Credit: Ynaija (Originally posted on Ynaija)

Thursday, 13 June 2013

Am I a gay lover???

Today, I had several discussions about the issue of Same Sex relationships at work. And it was truly amazing. A colleague narrated an experience where Bisi Alimi (The first Nigerian to out himself as a Gay man on National Television, specifically on Funmi Iyanda's show) hugged him in school and he could feel his 'hard on". (sorry but I had to be descriptive)

On Instagram & other social medias, I have followed people only to discover they were lesbians or homosexuals.

Now at work, at socializing, I am confronted with the reality that one day I will have to evaluate my attitude towards these people. Last December, my younger brother who lives in Canada was complaining bitterly about how he is unable to speak about Homosexual acts that bother him at the workplace.

Slowly, the media, social circles, Nigerian kids who schooled abroad and who have returned are creating a foundation that makes it okay to be a lesbian or homosexual and most importantly tolerate their actions.

I am a Christian. And I cannot condone Homosexuality & Lesbianism. The simple logic is we were created for a reason by a Creator, when do we then wake up and tell our Creator that we have found other use for the organs he has created us with. It is the situation where the created is telling the creator how he would like to use his sexual organs. i.e deviating from the original use. If you were the creator, what would be your reaction?

And despite criminalizing the act in Nigeria, many many people are closet Gays. The Lesbians hide under the fact that they are sharing accommodation spaces and do what they do. The Homosexuals carry out the wishes of the society and marry a wife who they rarely have sex with and maintain the homosexual relationships outside they take trips abroad under the business disguise.

For me the real issue is how does one separate the Act from the Individual. How do you love a person after you learn of their sexual preference? Is tolerating them not discriminating against what I believe to be the truth?

I have observed that most lesbians are girls that were not pretty enough to be cool, big/fat, tall, awkward, many whose sources of love was from a best friend(girl), sisters or parents. I do not believe this to be the exhaustive reasons for why people become lesbians.

And I have absolutely no reasons as to why people become homosexuals though I may have some thoughts.

It is no longer creeping into our society, It is there and we are getting influenced day by day why we need to tolerate the act. While I have love for all lesbians and homosexuals, I do not condone the act. It is an unnatural use of sex organs and no, no one was born that way. It is a lifestyle choice.

Even more disturbing for me is the fact that they are allowed to raise children. I am against this by every fibre in my being. Give the kids a chance to make their own choices, don't indoctrinate them from the beginning and give them a foundation of ridicule.

So Yes I love love the lesbians and homosexuals. I believe they are misguided but I absolutely hate the act and I detest even more people trying to convince me and societies that there is nothing wrong with it.

But like I say, it is just through my eyes. My thoughts as I see them.

Please go ahead and check out our style blog

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Hi. This is Townplanner Ibikunle...

Today, my colleague received a call and the conversation went like this
Caller: Is this Barrister D**ji?
Colleague: Yes. Please who I am speaking to?
Caller: I am Town planner Akindele.
Stop. Say what? We all rolled with laughter. Haba. Is that how much he needed to feel relevant? Introducing himself with the prefix of Town Planner?
But it is the norm here. We put the title of the profession before our names hoping that it would make us more important than we really are. We put Engineer, Doctor, Lawyer (Barrister) etc. I am inclined to believe that if we had Astronauts here, such a person would introduce himself as Astronaut Ayokunle.
I have heard people introduce themselves as Chief Dr Alhaji ****, I suppose the elderly man imagined that he would garner respect from his attendant audience. I daresay, he generated mirth and mouthy replies.
The same applies to people who introduce themselves with the names of the degrees they have earned. i.e Chief Mrs. Bunmi Shodipo LL.B, B.L, BA. PHD. Can you imagine that? I wanted to suffocate from embarrassment. Seriously?
Let us try and imagine Barack & Michelle Obama say 'Hello World, I am Senator Barrister Barack Obama and this is my wife Chief Mrs. Senoir Barrister Michelle Obama. Please be honest will you not shake your head?
Careers do not define your worth. They may act as a stepping stone. But they are far from defining who you are.
 So whenever you are tempted to introduce yourself as Surveyor Tunde, Radio Personality George or Blogger Ibilola, remember that it don't define us. We will still be alive if everything else dies.
So excited about the posts for the remainder of the week. A whole lot more to come
Go ahead and check out the sister blog
Love you guys. Mwuah.

Monday, 10 June 2013

The Nigerian girl: what we deal with, what we will no longer tolerate!

Most Nigerian girls are trained from childhood to run a home. At an early age, the mum insists on her cleaning dishes, serving guests, looking after the younger ones etc. At that young age, the girl finds it really cool to do what grown ups are doing.
Fast forward to Teenagehood.
The Nigerian girl has metamorphosed into going to the market to buy raw food for the home, cooks the meals for the whole house (at the late teens). She finds it irritating.
At the earliest opportunity, when she obtains admission to the university, she cannot wait to take a breath. Be naughty, do the things her friends do, have a boyfriend, leave school for the weekend. All she wants is a break from this regimented life her parents have mapped out for her.
The years at the University soon fly by and the baby girl now a woman resumes back at home. The only difference is that she has a job but she would give anything just to live alone. She still helps around the house but she wished she didn't. Between work and herself, she is just plain tired. Her parents have told her that she would move from their home to her husband's house
With all the craziness parading as marriages these days, my girl wants to take her time. She wants to discover who she is, make mistakes and find out the lifestyle that works for her sanity.
So she says
1. I don't need a husband to put a roof over my head
2. I need to find out who I am
3. I don't want to change slave masters for me to be a complete woman i.e father to husband.
4. I need to discover myself to be a great companion to any man
5. I am not a slave. I am a daughter, I am a lady. I am woman.
So men, when you complain about women wanting to shackle you, perhaps you should take out time and ask if they truly want to be shackled to you. Most of them just want a measure of freedom...and you were their way out! Yep. You appeared to be the ticket to freedom.
I personally think if women were allowed to live alone and make mistakes, the rate of incompetent marriages will reduce and the act of cheating by women spouses will slow down 
But what do I know???

Be sure to check out contents on our sister blog


Lagos Public Holiday on the radar...and the grand finale of The player of the year will be posted on wednesday night

Friday, 7 June 2013

Click here to view the face of a cheat

Laughing out loud, laughing out really loud.

What were you expecting to see?

The face of ...

Now get a mirror... I am hoping that your face will reflect back at you. You have cheated once in your life!

No? You say No?

Okay then, let me walk you down the road into times past when you did.

-Remember that time you cheated the system and paid a bit less to get your drivers license done?

-Remember that time you wrote the class test for your friend in Secondary School?

-Remember that time when you made a list of books and provisions for secondary school and inflated the prices or the number?

-Remember when you forged signatures for your NYSC clearance letter?

-Remember that time when you cheated during exams. You stretched your neck like a giraffe and copied your neighbours paper?

-Remember when you smuggled answer sheets into examination halls?

-Remember when you boarded that train without buying a ticket?

-Remember when you arrived at the airport late to board a plane and there was a long queue so you made up stories to have the airline officials personally escort you to the counter and help you board way out of line?

-Remember when you left home late because you wanted to sleep in but lied to your employer that you had to visit the hospital?

-Remember when you travelled on vacation but said your dad was terminally ill in the village?

-Remember when you lied to your boyfriend/spouse that you were in school but you were in another man's arms?

-Remember when you lied to your girlfriend/spouse that you were working late in the office but you were on a date with another woman?

Oh well, you will agree that you have cheated once in your life.

Now, Go and cheat no more!

Have a fab weekend everyone!

Be sure to check out our sister blog


Thursday, 6 June 2013

Today, I question my fear...

Today, I question the fear that I have lived by for the past year.
I question the fear for my life: I cannot die young, I will live. It is settled. Now be gone fear!
I question if I will get hurt. I will get hurt, it is part of the process of life: But I shall not stay hurt. I will rise above.
I question if my life will have meaning: It will. I am on the road to greatness
I question if there is a purpose or a plan or if it all happens by chance: I am special. Special has purpose.

I question if it will turn out well for all the ones I love: It will. Failure is not an option.
I question if I will bring joy to those that raised me: I will. It's in my DNA.
I question the fear of whether I will live life to the fullest. I will. I will enjoy every bit of it.
I question if my health will fail. It will not. Now I walk healthy
I question if my offspring will be glad I bore them. They will. I am amazing.
I have learned how to keep it all together. Everything I do. It is for love alone. Nothing else matters.
Today, question your fears. Live for love alone.
Be sure to check out our sister blog:
Question your fears!